“Coolio’s Rules”
Tuesdays at 10 p.m.
Oxygen

1 out of 5 Stars

“Coolio’s Rules,” a new pseudo-reality show that follows the ridiculous home life of still-recognizable rap star Coolio, is little more than a pointless rehash of Reverend Run’s “Run’s House.” Essentially, it features Coolio struggling to manage his bratty kids, two of whom he should’ve kicked out of the house long ago.

Among other things, the show features the washed-up rhymesmith attempting to start a cooking business to compensate for his failing music career. The only catch is, Coolio can’t cook. When he doesn’t have enough spaghetti sauce, he makes more by mixing tomatoes and basil in a blender. He calls this process “making something out of nothing,” but it’s actually making inedible trash out of produce.

While Coolio’s sincere about his desire to become a “ghetto gourmet” chef, the fact he posted episodes of “Cookin’ with Coolio” on MyDamnChannel.com, a site for weird comedy videos, shows exactly what this idea is: a joke. Coolio even tries to hire his irresponsible kids to work at his restaurant, because he thinks — probably correctly — it’s the only way they’ll ever get jobs.

The show fails for the same reasons Coolio’s cooking business inevitably will: Nobody cares about Coolio anymore. The series also runs on Oxygen, so it was doomed before it even began. Coolio may be eccentric — he scatters trash and uneaten spaghetti throughout his house to teach his kids to clean — but that doesn’t make him entertaining. Anybody who cares about an irrelevant rapper’s domestic problems is much better off watching “Run’s House.” At least Rev Run is talented.

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