Cupid can riddle you with arrows this Valentine”s Day, but he”s not going to teach you how to kiss. What”s a romantic dinner worth if all you end up doing is gagging your date with your uneducated tongue? You ask, “How can I climb out of this kissing canyon of ignorance?” Don”t despair, because there are two ways to get yourself informed and educated on the art of kissing.

Paul Wong
These two students take Christian”s instructions a little too seriously.<br><br>JESSICA YURASEK/Daily

1) Practice, and practice a lot. Over time and through trial and error (and hopefully not too erroneous an error) you”ll be able to gauge what your kissing partner likes and dislikes.

2) Read this article. Don”t panic if you”re a total moron at kissing and you”re going on your big Valentine”s Day date in a couple of hours. Lucky for you, the rest of this article contains a crash course taken from Michael Christian”s seminar “Kissing 101.”

Michael Christian, who writes under the name William Cane, has been writing and lecturing about kissing for over a decade. Tuesday at Eastern Michigan University”s McKenney Union Ballroom, he taught an audience of kissing-curious college kids the secret to lip locking.

This guy really did know his kissing. Not only did he give insightful advice on all aspects of kissing, he also had six couples behind him who volunteered to demonstrate all the subtleties and variations of kissing. Nice. It seemed like some of these volunteers were really anxious to showcase their talents in front of an audience, so some of the demonstrations were especially “demonstrative.”

Christian had a lot to say about kissing, but one thing he stressed the most to guys was to kiss the neck. He said that girls enjoy the neck kiss 10 times more than guys, and it adds a sexy variety to the usual lip-lip interaction. In many of the testimonials, Christian read from his book, “The Art of Kissing,” In the book, women cited the neck kiss as their biggest turn on. One more time guys: KISS THE NECK!

As for french kissing, Christian advises to use circular motions inside the mouth and to switch up the action to avoid being repetitive. Also, don”t use your whole tongue, but instead just the tip of it. You”ll find that since the tip is especially sensitive and can only taste sweetness, this technique makes for an especially sensual kiss.

Other quick tips for kissing are to whisper as you kiss your partner”s ear. Not only is the ear a great place to focus your kissing, but the feeling of your breath actually adds to the sensation, too. “The reason they call them “sweet nothings” is because it really doesn”t matter what you say,” joked Christian.

Also, don”t limit yourself to the traditional kisses. “The biggest misconception of all is that there”s only one way to kiss, and that is a French kiss. There are thirty kisses” such as the vacuum kiss, the biting kiss, the candy kiss, the public kiss, and the lip-o-suction kiss. The idea here is not to freak out your partner, but instead to have fun and, if you”re in a long-term relationship, to spice things up a bit.

Maybe you”re so inept at kissing that you”re more worried about what not to do than how to do a good job kissing. Lucky for you, Christian points out important peeves. “The No. 1 complaint from women is that “I get too much tongue and I get it too soon.” The No. 1 complaint from men is “they don”t French kiss me enough.” There”s a definite difference between the sexes.”

Christian also had some advice for the Valentine”s Day date kiss. “If they”re in a long term relationship, they must go to a new place to kiss, because it”ll add excitement to the experience Like the top of a bridge. I don”t know why, but lovers find bridges exciting.”

“If they”re in a short term relationship, the guy must be told not to do french kisses. The girl must be told to open her mouth a little wider and use a little tongue,” added Christian.

Whether you”re making out on the overpass over Washtenaw by the CCRB or trying to find the perfect tongue/lip balance, good luck to you. And may God have mercy on your partner.

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