Everyone”s favorite Star Search prodigy gone mainstream blockbuster has dished out a brand new image- shattering album. Her self-titled third record Britney doesn”t even warrant a listen for a review.

Paul Wong
Godhead enjoys their new mainstream success by donning makeup.<br><br>Courtesy of EMD/Priority/Posthuman

Oversexed desert single “I”m A Slave for U,” employs kitschy netspeak in its title to snare the very youth proudly clutching to their copies of Baby One More Time. It”s more than obvious that Spears” “grown up” sound is her attempt to sell herself into adulthood.

She attempts in vain to capture this teen-queen coming of age with Britney. “I”m Not A Girl, Not Yet a Woman,” thoroughly explains Ms. Spears” conundrum, reminding everyone that she was in diapers when the backing tracks for this tune were penned.

Where Spears can”t turn to her music for a shot of maturity she can turn to her body, which is continuing to mature (sometimes with the help of a good surgeon). Britney decided to knock off Ms. Jackson with her racy video for “I”m A Slave For U.” While the hook won”t pull a soul in, Britney”s methodic and all too rhythmic rubbing of herself will. Once she has your soul, and you have the mute button, the video is somewhat bearable. This visualization of music”s commercial candor poses an interesting question: Does it really matter if the album is sonically unique or original when one can simply flip on MTV and view Britney”s metamorphosis into a dripping wet near-stripping dancer? I think not. Her choice to go slut is outed even further by her not-so-subliminal attempts at sexual overture.

With a slew of producers, musicians and voice coaches appearing on this record it”s likely that this album is a tight work with multiple hit singles which will provide hours of rump shaking at the local clubs. Since Spears has previously topped the charts with her catchy tunes, it”s no surprise that this album will probably go multi-platinum and fund her and Justin”s future offspring”s ability to annoy all of us on a worldwide level.

Grade: N/A

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