Because I’m a second-semester senior, I’ve been in Ann Arbor for nearly four full school years and one summer. Thus, I feel like I have what amounts to infinite wisdom. During my free time over spring break, I figured that now was the time to share that with y’all. And I’m not even going to charge you:
Good Idea: Jessica Simpson.
Bad Idea: Ashlee Simpson (Did you hear the reports of her performing at a Bat Mitzvah this weekend?).
Good Idea: Getting your parents to throw you an awesome Sweet Sixteen party.
Bad Idea: Getting MTV to capture the whole thing on national television as you throw down $250,000, and also not expecting the network to portray you as spoiled and bitchy.
Good Idea: Marrying Denise Richards.
Bad Idea: Marrying Charlie Sheen.
Good Idea: Charley’s Downstairs.
Bad Idea: Charley’s Upstairs (Although I must admit I do like walking by and counting how many people I can see through the window. It normally takes just one hand).
Good Idea: Bringing in Chris Rock to host the Oscars.
Bad Idea: Bringing in P. Diddy to introduce a song from the “hip” movie, “The Polar Express.”
Good Idea: Jamie Foxx doing “Ray.”
Bad Idea: Jamie Foxx doing “Booty Call.”
Good Idea: Brunette Kelly Clarkson.
Bad Idea: Blonde Kelly Clarkson.
Good Idea: The Maize Rage.
Bad Idea: The Blunatics.
Good Idea: Putting wiper fluid in your car so that you can clean off your windshield while driving.
Bad Idea: Not closing the hood properly, causing your latch to get completely destroyed and your hood to fly open while driving on I-94 and leaving you to rush to the hardware store in Chelsea to apply duct tape all over the front of your car (Yes, this really happened to me. In the snow no less).
Good Idea: Rocky I, II, III and IV.
Bad Idea: Rocky V.
Good Idea: Going with one of your housemates to spend a Saturday night partying in East Lansing.
Bad Idea: Getting so drunk that you introduce yourself to people as “Snake” and passing out on the floor of your housemate’s cousin’s friend’s apartment.
Good Idea: The Chicago Bears drafting Braylon Edwards.
Bad Idea: The Chicago Bears drafting David Terrell.
Good Idea: Trying to meet new people at your friend’s house party.
Bad Idea: Trying to meet new people over The Facebook.
Good Idea: Giving your friends your cell phone number so that they can contact you.
Bad Idea: Giving your cell phone number to Paris Hilton.
Good Idea: The 2005 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.
Bad Idea: The 2005 NHL season.
Good Idea: China Gate.
Bad Idea: Magic Wok.
Good Idea: Telling people that you just got the latest DVDs of “Seinfeld.”
Bad Idea: Telling people that you just got the latest DVDs of “Xena: Warrior Princess.”
Good Idea: Kirstie Alley on “Cheers.”
Bad Idea: Kirstie Alley on her new reality series “Fat Actress.”
Good Idea: Designing plays for your basketball team
Bad Idea: Letting your basketball team play like it’s at the CCRB, and thus holding onto the ball for 25 seconds before chucking up a contested 3-pointer (Looking at you Coach Amaker).
Good Idea: Fox ordering new episodes of “Family Guy.”
Bad Idea: Fox ordering new episodes of “American Dad.”
Good Idea: Kevin Costner in “Field of Dreams.”
Bad Idea: Kevin Costner in “The Postman.”
Good Idea: “24.”
Bad Idea: “Johnny Zero.”
Good Idea: Central Campus.
Bad Idea: North Campus.
Good Idea: Admitting that you are upset over the cancellation of “Sex in the City.”
Bad Idea: Admitting that you are upset over the cancellation of “Star Trek: Enterprise.”
Good Idea: Black Michael Jackson.
Bad Idea: White Michael Jackson.
Bob Hunt thinks it would be a good idea if you e-mail him and tell him who actually reads his Weekend column because he frankly has no idea. He can be reached at email@example.com.