It’s Friday.

We live in a messed up world, Block ‘M’ readers, but there’s at least one law that governs this universe: if you’re not on Twitter, you’re a peasant.

Yes, you love Twitter. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Bored in class? Twitter. Bored of homework? Twitter. Bored during sex? Twitter. No friends at the party? Twitt — well, make some friends. Seriously, don’t use Twitter at parties.

But sometimes, Twitter is too much to sift through. You follow 859 people and half of them don’t really know how to use it. Other times, Twitter is sublime, and it could turn a rainy day sunny. So, this is the inaugural weekly Twitter round-up, where I’ll highlight the best tweets of the week as they relate to Michigan sports (and sometimes college sports in general).

This is the first installment, so I’m going to range back a bit more than a week, just because this was too good to pass up:

Oh, poor Zack Novak. Did the Michigan athletic department pamper him so much throughout college that he NEVER had to buy his own toilet paper? I’m pretty certain that’s an NCAA violation. If so, looks like Michigan might lose a scholarship this year. Bye bye, Blake McLimans.

Really, that Ross education didn’t teach Novak the subtle differences between Bounty and Charmin? Yeah yeah, I know, athletes don’t go to class. Whatever, we love Novak. For this, this and this, double-rolls are on me, Zack.

In fairness to Novak, who graduated last year after leading the Michigan basketball program from the dungeon to national relevance, he’s currently hoopin’ in Never Land The Netherlands for the Landstede basketball club. Dutch products are probably pretty confusing, man.

Also, Novak redeemed himself by tweeting a link to this totally brodacious T-shirt.

Don’t get it? Basically, that’s what happens to your face when you’re a freshman playing in the frontcourt against Duke. Michigan coach John Beilein thought it was a good idea, for whatever reason.

Keeping it on the basketball front, if you don’t follow Michigan men’s basketball assistant coach Bacari Alexander, you’re missing out. Every so often, he goes on “tweet blitzes” in which he’ll dominate your feed for about an hour as he tweets shamelessly pro-Michigan propaganda and awesome motivational quotes. And when he’s not blitzing, he’s upstaging Beilein for best-dressed on the coaching circuit.

Alexander — who goes by BA — has coined ridiculous/hilarious hashtags like #HALOL (having a lot of laughs) and #growblue and #uconscious that have taken the Michigan Twitter community by storm. Here’s a blitz sampling:

I’m not so sure green Kool-Aid is a thing. But I get it. Boo, Michigan State! Boo, Ohio!

Solid retort, BA.

Yeah, BA is at all the football games. Because he’s awesome.

BA #doesnotreallyunderstandhashtagswhichmakeshishashtagshilarious.

But for somebody who uses Twitter as his personal ramble medium, BA doesn’t hold a candle to Michigan quarterback commit Shane Morris. The kid is still in high school, and as far as I can tell from his tweets, he’s as humble as Thad Castle from Blue Mountain State:

You think no-name opponents talk trash on Twitter now? Wait until you’re in the same conference as Michigan State.

Get those lips ready, ladies.

Yeah, they’re not on Twitter, fool. Go out and meet them.

Anyhow, Morris has racked up nearly 13,000 tweets for your pleasure. Worth a follow, if you don’t mind him taking up your entire feed.

That wraps up Week 1. Here are your honorable mentions:

Watch if you aren’t tired of frat rap yet.

Yeah, we don’t care Devin. We’d rather you learn how to run routes and catch passes. Please and thank you.

Warms your heart, doesn’t it?

— Pasch can be reached at or on Twitter: @lucaspasch

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