Bizarro world: Yanks” loss makes little sense

This theory generally applies to sports. I mean, the Lakers, the Spartans, Bobby Bowden sooner or later, you have to just assume responsibility for the ills of the world.

I believe it is because of this that the Yankees have continually qualified for the World Series. It is for this reason that they usually win. I don”t know what I did, who I bothered or when I screwed up, but I”m certain that this whole Yankees dynasty is, in many ways, my fault.

It was why I, a very big baseball fan, had very little interest in this year”s Series. As I saw it, watching and cheering for the Diamondbacks would have been like watching “The Godfather” and hoping that Sonny doesn”t die. You believe that Byung-Hyun Kim can hold a ninth-inning lead, but sooner or later, Carlo”s going to hit Connie and Sonny”s going to get shot on the causeway.

And then, like that, it”s gone.

Let me explain my absolute glee at watching Luis Gonzalez drive in the winning run. No, not proper for mass-production. But trust me, I was ecstatic. Could it have really happened? Could a team that I was hoping would win actually do it?

So I got to thinking. I”m from a suburb of New York City (read: New Jersey) and there”s no doubt that a Yankees win would have benefited the city. Maybe, deep down, I wouldn”t have minded so much this year if the Yankees won it.

Nope that”s absurd. It would have bothered me as much as ever.

So my stream of consciousness led me to another solution. Maybe, just maybe, I realized that a Yankees win would guarantee that the team would break up. You know, like the 1998 Bulls. They”d lose Paul O”Neill, Scott Brosius, and a whole slew of pitifully average players who only seem to succeed because they wear pinstripes (see: Chuck Knoblauch and Jorge Posada.)

Nah, that”s ridiculous also.

I guess I just have to accept the fact that something that I wanted actually happened. Which is hard.

It”s funny, though. I love how I can cheer for a team like the Diamondbacks, one that I”m far more used to making fun of. People, they have a pool in center field does this seem like a city that needs a baseball team or a waterpark?

I”ve always spoken out against expansion. Baseball does not need more teams it needs far fewer. There are plenty of convenience stores that are run far more effectively than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays or the Montreal Expos. I can find a whole lot of people on death row who have a better chance of being elected President than the Florida Marlins have of ever making the playoffs again.

And yet here I am, thrilled that one of my least favorite organizations in the sporting world just won the World Series.

And then I remember how I felt when the Marlins won the Series four years ago. I was thrilled here was proof that mid-market teams could win big.

And then like that, they were gone.

So now I”m concerned that the Diamondbacks are going to be broken up during the offseason.

It”s going to have to happen sooner or later. Randy Johnson”s old. So is Curt Schilling. Homegrown talent? Such things don”t exist in Phoenix.

This team was in it to win it. And hopefully this one will stay in the game.

But I don”t think they will. Why? Because sooner or later, something about this Series has to piss me off.

Jon Schwartz can be reached at jlsz@umich.edu.