1. The Massacre, 50 Cent — A message to 50: Consider the shark jumped. 2. Now 18, Various Artists — They’ve had 17 chances to suck, but fortunately, they’ve figured it out now! 3. The One, Frankie J — With a name like Frankie J, you just know he can’t rap well.

4. American Idiot, Green Day — Eyeliner. We need more eyeliner.

5. Lullabies to Paralyze, Queens of the Stone Age — Who would have thought that “Rock-a-Bye Baby” could paralyze somebody? 6. In Between Dreams, Jack Johnson — The title makes perfect sense. You listen to this album to fall back asleep. 7. Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson — You know what they say about blondes. They suck more. 8. Hot Fuss, The Killers — Don’t worry. They’re running out of Duran Duran songs to steal. 9. Love. Angel. Music. Baby, Gwen Stefani — Hey Gwen, we heard you really like Bush. And we don’t mean the President … Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. We mean the band. 10. Lifehouse, Lifehouse — When you are with me, I’m free. I’m careless, I believe. Oh wait, we confused them with that other crappy late-’90s band.

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