1. Come Away With Me, Norah Jones – Proof enough that both Grammy voters and the record-buying public are morons.
2. Get Rich or Die Tryin’, 50 Cent – 2003’s second coolest thug, right after Ali G. Respect.
3. Chocolate Factory, R. Kelly – From urinating on a teenage girl to the number three record. Only in America.
4. Home, Dixie Chicks – ‘Cause they like to make money! High five-a!
5. Philadelphia Freeway, Freeway – It’s never good when you’re the inferior apprentice to Jay-Z’s inferior apprentice.
6. Grammy Nominees 2003, Various Artists – Did you really enjoy the Grammys enough to buy this? No, you didn’t.
7. Cocky, Kid Rock – Just because he’s a honky doesn’t mean he’s not hung like a donkey.
8. Room for Squares, John Mayer – Perfect for single mothers and their teenage daughters. Sweet.
9. Let Go, Avril Lavigne – Her ain’t no good. Booyakasha.
10. Cradle 2 the Grave Soundtrack, Various Artists – X go’ give it to us? But what if we don’t want it?