1. Come Away with Me, Norah Jones – We will be going nowhere with you.
2. This is Me … Then, Jennifer Lopez – We used to have a little respect for her/now we have none.
3. Let Go, Avril Lavigne – Sweet. Keep selling your album for $7 and you’ll be on the chart forever.
4. Home, Dixie Chicks – Home is where the crappy record is.
5. 8 Mile, Soundtrack – Why would Eminem come to the crappiest, dankest bar in Ann Arbor?
6. Justified, Justin Timberlake – He’s going to be crying us a river when we kick him in the shins and run away.
7. Up!, Shania Twain – The bile in our throats is going Up!
8. Under Construction, Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliot – Is publicly urinating on Billboard top 10 albums considered a misdemeanor?
9. I Care 4 U, Aaliyah – There’s something very Georgia O’Keefe-ish about that album cover.
10. Stripped, Christina Aguilera – Can TVs get venereal diseases? Because we think ours has a few after “Dirrty” appeared on it.