1. Elv1s: 30 #1 Hits, Elvis Presley – A little less Nelly, a little more Presley, please.

2. Bounce, Bon Jovi – He’s wanted, dead or alive. Actually, dead. Dead is better.

3. Forty Licks, The Rolling Stones – Oh, wow, well if the Stones chose the songs themselves, then it must be much better.

4. Let Go, Avril Lavigne – Please let go of the top 10.

5. Nellyville, Nelly – Oh, man, Nelly is so lame. His Band-Aid totally didn’t match his clothes on TRL last week.

6. Home, Dixie Chicks – Please go away.

7. The Eminem Show, Eminem – A huge stretch for Eminem.

8. Man vs. Machine, Xzibit – If the man is Xzibit, we’ve got our money on machine.

9. The Last D.J., Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – Tom, something isn’t working. Maybe fewer drugs. Or more.

10. American Idol: Greatest Moments, Soundtrack – A whole new crop of people lined up on Monday to try to contribute to the next version of this terrible CD.

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