1. The Massacre, 50 Cent — Yeah, the title pretty much sums up the album.
2. Rebirth, Jennifer Lopez — J-Lo, just leave and go make “The Wedding Planner 2” or something.
3. In Between Dreams, Jack Johnson — The two-seconds in between the tracks should be called In Between Nightmares.
4. Frances the Mute, Mars Volta — We sure hope Frances isn’t the lead singer. It wouldn’t be much of an album then.
5. The Documentary, The Game — We’re tired of playing.
6. American Idiot, Green Day — Not quite ready to say “good riddance” to these guys.
7. Genius Loves Company, Ray Charles — We wish we could have had this man at one of our parties. He probably was a tank.
8. O, Omarion — Featuring “Touch” and “Take It Off.” Perhaps the title isn’t referring to his name after all.
9. Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson — The 17th reminder that middle-school students are incapable of using the family computer to burn CDs.
10. Encore, Eminem — Enough already.