1. Now 17, Various Artists — Sure to be blasting out of boom boxes in Fallujah any day now!

2. eMOTIVe, A Perfect Circle — eXCEPTIONALLy oRIGINAl uSe oF cAPs. Oh, but the music really sucks.

3. Suit, Nelly — It must be a total bitch trying to find a tie to match your Band-Aid.

4. Confessions, Usher — Most startling confession: He’s actually a 47 year-old Nepalese woman.

5. The Great American Songbook Vol. III, Rod Stuart— Wait, isn’t Rod Stewart dead? Are you sure? Well I’ll be damned.

6. 50 Number Ones, George Straight — Includes such classics as “All My Ex-es Live in Texas.”

7. Genius Loves Company, Ray Charles — Specifically, it loves the company of prostitutes.

8. Thug Matrimony: Married to the Streets, Trick Daddy — Sadly, over half of thug marriages end in divorce. Word!

9. Ray (Soundtrack), Ray Charles — Ray Charles has two albums in the top 10, and all it took was his tragic and untimely demise. Coolio, I hope you’re taking notes.

10. Unfinished Business, R. Kelly & Jay-Z— Albums, tours and the chance to threaten R.Kelly. Jay-Z is having the best retirement ever!

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