1. Feels Like Home, Norah Jones — Let’s make
a deal, Norah. We’ll give you all the Grammys right now if
you promise to leave the Top 10 by next week.
2. Split Personality, Cassidy — Our
3-year-old’s name is Cassidy. She likes ponies.
3. Fallen, Evanescence — Amy Lee is the coolest
Christian since your mom.
4. In This Skin, Jessica Simpson — “Jessica
Simpson, where has your love gone. It’s not in your music,
no.” Thanks, Adam!
5. The Other Side, Godsmack — Proof positive that
selling your soul to the devil can get you places fast.
6. The College Dropout, Kanye West — We’re
dropping out of school next week. You know where to reach us,
Jigga.
7. When the Sun Goes Down, Kenny Chesney — We heard
that 25 percent of the profits go to the Bush campaign.
8. Bad Boy’s 10th Anniversary: The Hits, Various
Artists — Why don’t you call us anymore, Diddy?
It’s because we’re fat, isn’t it?
9. Songs About Jane, Maroon 5 — If we were marooned
on a desert island, we sure as hell wouldn’t want this record
with us. Zing!
10. Closer, Josh Groban — Enjoy your last week in
the Top 10. Please don’t come back.