1. Feels Like Home, Norah Jones — Let’s make
a deal, Norah. We’ll give you all the Grammys right now if
you promise to leave the Top 10 by next week.

2. Split Personality, Cassidy — Our
3-year-old’s name is Cassidy. She likes ponies.

3. Fallen, Evanescence — Amy Lee is the coolest
Christian since your mom.

4. In This Skin, Jessica Simpson — “Jessica
Simpson, where has your love gone. It’s not in your music,
no.” Thanks, Adam!

5. The Other Side, Godsmack — Proof positive that
selling your soul to the devil can get you places fast.

6. The College Dropout, Kanye West — We’re
dropping out of school next week. You know where to reach us,

7. When the Sun Goes Down, Kenny Chesney — We heard
that 25 percent of the profits go to the Bush campaign.

8. Bad Boy’s 10th Anniversary: The Hits, Various
— Why don’t you call us anymore, Diddy?
It’s because we’re fat, isn’t it?

9. Songs About Jane, Maroon 5 — If we were marooned
on a desert island, we sure as hell wouldn’t want this record
with us. Zing!

10. Closer, Josh Groban — Enjoy your last week in
the Top 10. Please don’t come back.

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