Whatever happened to swordfights and shootouts?

Welcome to the modern era. We’re sadists – if someone’s not screaming, what’s the point? Daily Arts compiles the 10 best torture scenes of the past five y ears.

1 “The Passion of the Christ” (2004)
– Surprise, surprise. Mel Gibson takes the top spot. Do you see what Christ endured for you? Can you hear it? Smell it? Taste it? Mel Gibson will make you. His grand opus glorifying unbridled violence – I mean, Jesus – was enough to make secular stomachs everywhere start churning. Sure, evangelicals might have been able to find salvation through guilt, but I’m pretty sure Jesus did some other things worth mentioning besides being beaten with a whip coated in shards of glass.

2 “The Last King of Scotland” (2006)
– Nicholas Garrigan (James McAvoy) is already looking for the first plane out of Africa when dictator Idi Amin (Forest Whitaker) finally catches up with him. The only thing worse than a pair of giant fishhooks through your pecs is being held aloft by a pair of giant fishhooks through your pecs.

3 “Oldboy” (2003)
– Dae-su catches up with the man that kept him imprisoned in a room for 15 years for no reason. Wanting to know why, he extracts each of the man’s teeth with pliers until the information also begins gushing out. And I do mean gushing out.

4 “Man on Fire” (2004)
– Denzel duct tapes some sleazebag’s hands to the steering wheel of his car. For every second said sleazebag doesn’t give up information about where Dakota Fanning is, he loses whichever finger he likes the least, and it appears as if he really doesn’t like most of his fingers all that much. Let’s not even go into which orifice Denzel ends up sticking one very worrisome grenade.

5 “Casino Royale” (2006)
– Daniel Craig steps up to the plate as Bond only to find out he has to sit naked in a chair and have his balls wailed on for an hour. No wonder Pierce Brosnan quit. The worst part is that after the grape-mashing Bond becomes as domesticated as a housecat, gazing into his lady’s eyes on some sunlit beach. It’s as unnatural as watching Jack Bauer get a bikini wax.

For the
complete
list, head over to our blog, The Filter, at
michigandaily.com.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.