New York has Spa. Miami has Crobar. Paris has Les Bains Douches. More densely filled with the crme de la crme than a Twinkie by Prada, these see and be seen hot spots help put local trendorama on the map. So where do the hip and chichi Ann Arborites converge to break up their studies with a little mindless mid-week action? The library, of course!

Paul Wong
Freshman Ryan Bertin looks for a weakness in his opponent”s stance. In the background, coach Joe McFarland gazes at photographs of Michigan wrestling legends.<br><br>TOM FELDKAMP/Daily

Brilliantly situated along the northern edge of the Diag, although it may sound like a place in which only your grandfather would be caught dead in, or worse your freshman year Poli Sci GSI, “Club Harlan Hatcher” has become the epicenter of activity for any and all individuals who are looking to check-out more than just books. A perennial favorite among the dark-denim crowd, “Club H2” first earned A2 recognition as the much doted-on happy medium between the Roller Rink-esque antics of the UGLi and the Monastery-like atmosphere of the Law Quad. Coupling old-skool intellectual idealism with new North Face accessories, however, this great bricked-behemoth now boasts some of the hottest call numbers in town. Making your way through the main lobby, past the Book Bouncers at the Circulation Desk, you are confronted with not one, but two steeply-sweeping staircases. Like jugular veins in this body of social action, these architecturally impressive escalations transport young would-be intelligentsia-socialites to and from the tragically trafficked SecoFlo Center Lounge, where everything is tickety-boo, and air-kisses flow as freely as pages out of complimentary printers.

While waiting for one of the much-sought splinter-free seats to become vacant, clientele help themselves to e-mail hors d”oeuvres, binging on-chain letter forwards and then purging their inboxes. For those with fancies untickled by electronica-techno-digital-correspondence indulgences, try the Lounge menu specialty, mingling with friends you haven”t seen since the days of La MLBoom and Studio 5400 Chem.

More ambitious attendees eager to scope out the terrain are encouraged to relocate the wait to the V.I.P. (Very Informative Periodicals) Room, where apart from the risk for developing varicose veins, standing around is anything but faux pas. Also known as the Reference Room, this arched room de triomphe plays home to local favorites DJs Nokia and Motorola who spin a wicked compilation of digitized hits, such as the samba, Fur Elise and the always crowd-pleasing “Waltzing Matilda.” And once you”re tight with the management, they”ll let you in on what they”re really “referring” to. Wink. wink.

As you shake your J. Crew groove thang up and down the aisle ways, in jeans more tightly bound than a new novel, be sure to note (and don”t call Versity, do it yourself) how many more heads than pages are turning. (Make sure to scour the local Yellow Pages while there, as mass wrongful-whiplash lawsuits are likely to follow.) And don”t be too star-struck by the occasional celebrity sighting Hideki and his new foam-core companion are rumored to be regulars.

For the fortunate few who avoid the horrors of snow shoeing to Social Siberia and manage to score a table where puffy coats are meteorologically pass, now the fun really begins “cuz it”s 11:30 and the Grad is jumpin” jumpin”!

Ogling each other from beneath the salad bar-like lighting systems, like vegans stalking organically-grown tomatoes, hungry visitors hunt for ripe contenders, spending the remaining open hours of the evening debating whether or not to invite that kitty-corner cutie up and over to the 4th Floor Stacks for a little experimental research on the Physics of Attraction. For first-timers still unacquainted with the elusive Mr. Dewey Decimal, saddle up a stool and take the edge off with one of Mirlyn”s many mixed subjects.

Is early American History bringing you down? Order up a Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria Colada. Got problems getting a grasp on totalitarianism? Try an Absolut-Everything. Whatever your ailment, Mirlyn”s got the answer. So don”t let the pompously prestigious name and “Shh” signs at “Club Harlan Hatcher” fool you. This ain”t your public library.

If you have any comments or questions for Meredith Keller about upcoming events at the library band gigs, stand-up comedians

or runway shows

please email Meredith Keller at makeller@umich.edu.

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