I am a fraud. I suppose we all are, but I am about to confess. Like good old Bill, I have deceived the public. No, I did not have sexual relations with anyone at this University (literally, no one). I am, instead, a criminal of style. The style columnist, a style criminal? Gasp! Go on? I will. My high crimes and misdemeanors are as follows:
Sporting trendy but cheap plastic-lens glasses for the purpose of impressing during interviews and graduate-level seminars.
Wearing pinstripe Vans sneakers for the purpose of appearing indie while still staying true to my latte-loving, health benefits-having yuppie roots.
Donning large, black sunglasses for the purposes of intimidating people while simultaneously checking them out under tinted lenses.
Growing unnecessarily large hair for the purpose of diverting onlookers from my otherwise ordinary appearance and personality.
Carrying large and ostentatious bowling bags for the purposes of appearing urban and outr