Tweety twagedy

On my way out of the Chemistry Building after class, I nearly stepped on a bright yellow bird that was standing perfectly still on the sidewalk in front of the door.

The bird, so close to being mashed like gum into the grooves of the several pairs of shoes leaving the building, didn’t flinch.

It didn’t fly off when I said “Shoo!” and waved my arms at it. Perhaps it had a personal purpose. Perhaps it was paralyzed by a seizure.

A few days later, I encountered the same bright, exotic feathers on the Hill Street sidewalk, but this time they were in the form of a pancaked splat.

Perhaps the bird was calling out for help outside the Chemistry Building.

Perhaps and I could have saved it if I just spared the time.

JESSICA VOSGERCHIAN

False intelligence

Waiting for my Lox-O-Luck sandwich at Amer’s one morning, I overheard a man questioning the woman at the cash register.

“You’re collecting money for counter intelligence?” he asked, referring to the sign on the tip cup.

She laughed at what she thought was a joke. Then she realized the man was serious and explained the pun. He was relieved to find out that the counter help wasn’t collecting money to support American foreign policy.

ANDREW GROSSMAN

It’s just Halo 3

On a boring weeknight at about 1 a.m., I was in my room finishing homework when my roommate walked in and announces, “We kicked Ohio State’s ass!”

Not quite sure what he was talking about – the football game was weeks away – I asked him, “Are you all right man? What are you talking about?”

He responded: “We see this team called ‘osubuckeyes’, they challenge us, and we kick their asses, not once, twice!”

He doesn’t drink, so there was no point asking him if he was drunk. So I asked him again what he was talking about.

He responded as though the answer was obvious.

“Halo 3, dude,” he said, before leaving again for another three hours of gaming.

SATYAJEET DESHMUKH

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