One of the worst mistakes often made by a
student of a major university — for instance Ann
Arbor’s own, the University of Michigan — is to waste
time. College lasts for only a few short years, and all too often,
students spend that time poorly. The best way to avoid this is to
join some of the many organizations around campus.

Laura Wong

You should not waste your youth sitting at home reading or
playing video games alone; you should join a club and waste that
time reading or playing video games with others. There are
countless options available, and here I’ll list some of my
favorites.

For non-varsity athletes looking to continue in their sport of
choice, there are dozens of intramural organizations available. In
the spring and fall, students have a wide variety of outdoor sports
from which to choose, such as football, flag-football and
Frisbee-football. There’s even the non-American form of
football, though I believe here you call it SOCCER!! During the
winter, activities like basketball and racquetball provide some
solace from the merciless wind and snow. Coming soon to the Central
Campus Recreation Building will be another club, the Michigan
Bombardment Society. That’s the game in which you hit others
with a giant rubber ball, comme ça: You — you’re
out!

For those not interested in athletics, there are great volunteer
opportunities to be had. Willing students are gladly welcomed by
Habitat for Humanity. There’s nothing bad to be said about
them; they’re just wonderful, wonderful people. Also, the
elementary school pen-pal program K-Grams allows students to
correspond with a child every month. So, anyone looking for a great
way to corrupt local youths with stories of drug-induced violence
and/or exotic sexual conquest should take serious note of that
program. I know I have.

For those with unusual lifestyles, there are clubs to suit your
interests, too. For instance, the Cannibalistic Organization of
Wolverines, or simply COW, brings together students from all over
campus, uniting them through their insatiable desires for the taste
of human flesh. Unfortunately, membership in COW has been steadily
decreasing since its establishment in September. I asked the
organization’s president to comment on this decline, and he
said, “Well, perhaps they’ve just lost their
intestines.” Then he muttered slyly, “Or should I say,
their interest?” I waited a moment, then informed him that
his subtle aside had in fact backfired, as he whispered the wrong
part. He was a little embarrassed by his mistake, but we later had
a good laugh about it.

If these groups aren’t to your liking, there are still
plenty of options out there. For instance, the group of young film
enthusiasts who congregate in a secret cave in Nichols Arboretum
late at night to celebrate their common love of a classic 1989
Robin Williams movie. Naturally, they call themselves the
“Dead Poets Society” Society. Unlike their on-film
counterparts, these students do not gather to experience the joy of
reciting poetry. They gather to recite lines from the movie itself.
I’ve been meaning to check it out, but I fear that they would
confuse me with the red-headed kid who betrayed Professor Keating
in the film; they don’t take too kindly to him. On a positive
note, though, they hope to invite Robin Williams himself to visit
the club, but they admit that it’s nearly impossible due to
his demanding career. However, Ethan Hawke is a frequent guest.

Going along with the cinematic theme, another club unites
students of all different kinds. This is, of course, “The
Breakfast Club” Club. This is a weekly event in which
seemingly-different students realize they have more in common than
they ever thought. Club activities include doing homework on the
boat, raiding Barry Manilow’s wardrobe and pursuing careers
in the custodial arts. Actually, the club is currently looking for
students to fill leadership positions, particularly for the
president, who can no longer attend meetings. She’s too busy
shopping for nail polish with her poor, rich drunk mother in the
Caribbean.

Now, a lot of people ask me if I’ve ever participated in
this activity. Let me set the record straight right now. NO! I
NEVER DID IT!!

 

— Wanna join the Kula Fan Club?E-mail Andy at
“mailto:ajkula@umich.edu”>ajkula@umich.edu.

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