Do you remember when you were little and your parents would tell you, “True beauty is on the inside?” Well, all it took was ABC (not FOX, mind you) to throw that idea right out the window. ABC has come up with quite possibly the worst program in the history of television (including “Veronica’s Closet”) with “Are You Hot?,” a show that undermines our values and demonstrates just how low networks will sink to attract viewers.

Todd Weiser
Courtesy of ABC

D Roberto is the host of this eye-candy-fest, which is essentially a bunch of model rejects prancing around. The idea is to find the two newest “sex symbols” in America, with the only criteria being how “hot” they look. Do you see anything wrong with this? From four geographical “hot zones,” every narcissist in America gathers together to be judged on their body, face and sex appeal. Just look at some of the comments:

“I’m ridiculously good-looking.”

“We’re all hot, baby.”

“Just look at me … I am flawless.”

“You have before you a physical incarnation of a goddess.”

“I am the best white guy dancer since John Travolta.”

OK, maybe that last one was a little too much, but you get the idea. Every guy takes off his shirt, and every girl slaps her posterior, and every person has the “tell me I’m beautiful” look on his/her face, all to impress three judges. Fashion designer Raldolph Duke, one-time heartthrob Lorenzo Lamas and model Rachel Hunter get to critique these make-believe beauty kings and queens. Lamas even uses a laser pointer to draw attention to the imperfections of the contestants.

Thirty-two people are chosen from each hot zone and then whisked away to California to strut their stuff in front of the judges again. Two rounds, including the bathing suit round, of course, narrow the field down to eight and, in the end, the audience at home will choose the winner. The show never specifies what exactly the people win, but we can only pray for a reality check, or at the very least, a full-length mirror.

Most of the contestants do not have the brains to match their looks, but that doesn’t seem to matter for this simple-minded program. The show says it doesn’t care if you can “sing, dance or tell jokes.” Hey, that’s funny, considering this whole show is a joke, and all the one-liners in the world can’t change that fact.

Rating: No Stars

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