Identity is an amorphous concept. I mentioned Bruni and Brooks of The New York Times in my last piece, and identity is a topic they both address. Both agree that college is supposed to develop “identity” in some sense, though neither know exactly what that means. Nor do they know how that manifests itself. I suppose, in some ways, that’s the point — were it specific, discrete, concrete, then we probably would have already had to memorize it in that aforementioned Psych class. Nonetheless, it seems our mandate, for the duration of time we spend at school, is to develop (our) identity.
It’s a nice thought. However, it can also be incredibly painful.
This pain has materialized itself across the country in malicious ways, through campus shootings, sexual assault and suicide. These aren’t the actions of confident, self-aware students. They are the outward demonstrations of internalized pain — whether towards girls (reference the University of California, Santa Barbara shooting), boys (the relationship between sexual inadequacy, chauvinism and rape have proven perilous at Columbia University) or schoolwork (a suicide at my high school was directly caused by a Latin class). It has also come to fore in the forms of increasing usage rates of alcohol, drugs and psychotropic medication.
I came across a 2013 study recently that showed the negative correlations between “identity development” and anxiety/depression in 10,000 undergraduates across the country. The same study showed that identity development contributed to such beneficial long-term qualities as “internal meaning” and “self-esteem.” So it does seem that there is natural tension between the short-term challenges and long-term development. But clearly, this tension has amplified in recent years — undoubtedly caused in part by ever growing application volumes (and by proxy, competition) into secondary education programs (medical schools, for example, received the most applications in their history last cycle).
The study states that nationally, 15.4 percent of undergraduates reported being diagnosed with depression. This is not a surprisingly high figure. University Health Service released a report recently that surveyed 3,351 Michigan students in February 2014 demonstrating similar numbers. The report further shows that 26.2 percent of students reported that stress was an “impediment” to academic performance, and 19 percent reported that “anxiety” was similarly disruptive. So, the psychological impact of identity development through school hits close to home. Frequent emergency alerts regarding campus violence, Sumana Palle’s account (published in the Daily two weeks ago) and former Michigan kicker Brendan Gibbons’ case all parallel national crises.
Thus, these issues clearly abound our hallways. Undoubtedly we’ve all faced our own personal bouts with anxiety and stress, inside and outside of the classroom. These are challenges I’ve confronted numerous times, through varied feelings of incessant inadequacy, debilitating insecurity and unrelenting sadness. I’ve felt these the moment I was rejected from a fraternity freshman year. I’ve felt these the moment I got my MCAT back. I’ve felt these, most recently, the moment a relationship with someone I care about tremendously took a turn for the worse.
Loneliness and helplessness in the age of social media can be deadly, traumatizing pathogens. In these moments, it can seem that all you can do is turn to yourself and ask: “How do I, how can I, keep going?” These moments are the most devastating, the most isolating, the most dangerous. But they shouldn’t have to be.
Psychological care on campus ought to help students persevere through those moments. As identity is deemed the fundamental outcome of the educational institution, these moments of anguish are (statistically) inevitable. Luckily, in my time of need, I had friends, family and a therapist I felt comfortable turning to. Not all may be so lucky in the moment they need it most.
This is where the University’s Counseling and Psychological Services comes in. CAPS has done well to recognize the campus mental health epidemic(s), raise awareness of such looming issues, and revamp some of their protocols. The one thing that CAPS cannot control is the undeniable, untraceable stigma surrounding making use of its services. And for that, I implore you to take yourself seriously enough to see them when you need support. Just as you would (and undoubtedly have) trudged over to UHS when you had the flu, feel compelled to do the same when you feel emotionally helpless. Emotions have been proven extremely powerful things (for positive and negative) over and over — whether it be through the aforementioned crises, or in the simple fact that symptoms of chronic diabetes improved 15 percent in non-depressed patients (analogous results have been shown with many other conditions). As such, do not take yours lightly.
Care enough about your own well-being to take the time to find relief when you are in pain. If you feel broken, let someone help you find the pieces to put yourself together again — whatever you do, don’t give up on your personal puzzle. Don’t try to avoid the inevitable — try to prepare for it.
So be smart. Put on your thinking caps. The future you, whoever they are, however they end up, whenever they appear, will thank you.
Eli Cahan can be reached at emcahan@umich.edu.