These edibles haven’t kicked in yet, and dear god I hope they do. I’m watching the end of AFV. AFHV? either way, it’s america’s funniest home videos. Is tom bergeron still alive? (editor’s note: yes, he is) oh, there’s that sucker. feelin’ it now. holy fuck is bob saget always on this show? oh shit, here it comes. i bet this shindig is 15 minutes long. wow this is #violent for primetime. spoiler: wait what. i was gonna make a katy perry joke, but now KENDRICK IS RAPPING. this isnt real. I may or may not be crying; don’t touch me mom. the new bass drop is an upgrade. Excuse me while i am under the spell of cara delevingne. wowwww kendrick just dropped some backseat freestyle lyrics. taylor is officially the coolest human on earth. that boxing scene tho. way better than mayweather / pacino amiright? I’ll give billboard all my life savings (38 dollars) if they cut to katy perry the second it ends. TAYLOR’S BOOTS. Why do they all of a sudden have red hair (not complaining though)?? #getreadytorumble is it a requirement to be gorgeous to be one of taylor’s friends? if not, where do I apply? damn, that was overwhelming. so. many. cameos. so. little. time.

— Daily Arts Writer

My two favorite things – some crisp white wine and Taylor Swift — are both before me. I’m like a bottle or so in, feeling pretty good. It’s starting. This is some movie shit; some Charlie’s Angels type shit. How does Tay always look so flawless? It’s unfair, gotta drink more. Selena? Kendrick?! Oh shit, things are escalating quickly. You know what would be cool? If they made this into a full movie, I would pay to see that shit. Is this like some spin on the hunger games? I dig it. There are so many fierce ladies. I wanna be fierce. I wonder what my bad-bitch-persona name would be. Are there even any guys in this? Oh yeah, only Kendrick, but he’s a little blurry. Everything is a little blurry. It’s great.

— Daily Arts Writer

All right, this opens with a nice mundane work scene, reminiscent of The Wolf of Wall Street pre-Belfort and his office of coked-out cubicles … yawn. I think I just need to accept the fact that everything Taylor does will annoy me for the rest of forever, and it’s not that I don’t like her music, it’s just, I don’t get her. But does she care what a yung undergrad thinks of her? Signs point to no, I digress. Oh, hype ok things are escalating! That dramatic window descent echoes Michelle Pfeiffer’s overzealous Catwoman in Burton’s Batman Returns … I see you, Tay, but I still don’t love you. Sure, there’s solid sci-fi theatrics in full effect, but oh my god, that’s Gigi Hadid rocking a sleek pony, OH MY GOD. #Impressive cast, I must admit … but alas, why isn’t that me sitting passenger in Kendrick’s icemobile. Does Taylor even know what the yams are? Ah, yes, and now we see models boxing! I’ve seen this #trend on Instagram lately! #Fitness! @GigiHadid can you teach me how to perfect my uppercut form at @GothamGym? Models. So many MODELS!!! Yas fashion! Question: is this a Victoria’s secret conspiracy? Final thoughts: this video features many a wig — like, did they have to meet a quota of brazen bobs and bangs? Lastly, HAHAH LENA DUNHAM SMOKING A CIGAR!! If that gif isn’t on my Tumblr timeline in the next half hour, I’m sliding into David Karp’s ask box.

— Caroline Filips

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