Baked
Omg the line was so long. Some chicks asked to hand us free bagels? I really want a bagel, but I want this breakfast more. Wow I almost just turned right into the guy in front of us. The bartender shouts “let the drinking began” LMFAO my fellow daily arts writer beat you too it. Is this a buffet? Or do we have a server? I don’t wanna sit here not eating and look like a moron, but I don’t wanna be presumptuous and go searching for a buffet. I was not prepared for this. Idek why I like St. Paddy’s (Patty’s???) day. I NEED TO EAT. Mel is shouting something about h2o, idk what. BREAKFAST BURRITO. And we got free shirts (!!!!) all of us just look like we are on our phones. We look like assholes.. Holy balls this burrito is amazing. It’s like every good McDonald’s breakfast item combined in a tortilla … mmmmm. I got a beer and Jell-O shot too. Why isn’t this beer green? Wtf we asked for greenified beer. I hate both of those things. Who am I? This burrito is balls to the wall and if I’m still high in French class it’s not going to be a pretty sight.

— Daily Arts Writer

Buzzed
Honestly, we are a joke. I could use some food though, this morning has been quite #strenuous. Jell-O shots are $3 honestly what a time to be alive. I would’ve spelled jello wrong if it weren’t for autocorrect. Some #employee just said “let the drinking begin!!!!!!?!” way too overzealously but like homie it already did. Oh. Fucking. Sick. My snap story is already out of control and the clock has just rolled to 7 a.m. wake up in the morning. Is there. Buffet even? My patience wears thin when it comes to #breakfast. HONESTLY I JUST ORDERED A GREEN GUINNESS BUT HE SAID IT WAS TOO DARK FOR GREEN SO I ASKED FOR THE EXTRA GREENEST ONE AND ITS FULL CIRCLE KOLSXH LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS COME FULL CIRCLE, SIR, MY LIFE THATS WHAT !¡ #greenery #shrubbery # landscape. TO BE QUITE HONEST breakfast is just a sadder version of lunch when it doesn’t include mimosas and alas they are not featured on this extensive menu that seems to only include beer tho and this burrito I have yet to taste. Am I T9 wording this shit? Asked my #buzzed friend. Why yes buzz I am ! This JellO shot is rather dense — is that a good food review Giancarlo? Oh here I go food beat my time to shine tbh this incredible mix of hashbrown to egg to cheese ratio makes me feel feelings of emotional attachment. There are few joys in life like my Jell-O shot thank you based god and thank you autocorrect. Dreams 10/10 crushed I thought this was a buffet but all I got was this burrito. Can saint Patrick’s day be regarded on the same caliber at xmas or like T-giving because this might be the best day ever and I’ve experienced 1.25 hours of it.

— Daily Arts Writer

Bored

The drive over here was great wow. It smelled like the MGMT concert in my coworker’s car. (I’ll take “sentences I never thought I’d write” for 500, Alex.) But we aired it out, so that’s good.

The sad part of all this is I look like I’m high and drunk right now, but not a drop of illegal goodness has entered my body — sorry sir, that’s just my face in the morning!!! You’re gonna have to deal with it!!! And I’m SO fricking hungry. And I have a discussion section in a few hours LOL so dead. These two beauties next to me are really living the life right now. Wow omg here comes the Irish music wow life of a music writer I can’t ignore the abomination happening on the loud speakers. What a town to be alive in.

I just ordered water at a bar on St. Patrick’s Day. I think I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize or something. Just kidding, I’ll never be as amazing as Malala. My fellow writers just ordered green beer IT’S FINE. We can’t stop laughing oh my god. WHERE IS THE FOOOD WHERE THEY AT THO?? Oh my god the writer to the right of me just started singing Rebecca Black. I’m starting to think about my childhood wow nostalgia. Is my other comrade even high anymore? We’ve been waiting for 50 years.

The breakfast burritos have arrived and my dignity is at a solid 72 percent. I love the Daily. I love myself. Shrek is love, Shrek is life. (Shrek is green so that works, relax everyone.)

It’s too early for this shit.

— Melina Glusac

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