Not cleared for landing

Wednesday, September 5, 2018 - 3:43pm

I like to think I’m a sexy woman. In fact, I know I’m a sexy woman. But, the problem is sex stresses me out. Not the stuff leading up to it. Not the hot make outs or the slow stripping. Just the bit where every bit of clothing is off and things are about to inserted in places and honestly it’s almost more stressful than midterm week. Almost.

Because the thing is, sexiness takes effort. Aside from the usual routines of makeup and well fit outfits, I have to go the extra mile. I’ve inherited gorgeous brown skin and beautiful black hair....that grows everywhere. Becoming sexy requires shaving my legs, using nair for my arms if the occasion is important enough, waxing off sideburns and upper lip hair and cheek hair and chin hair and of course, getting my

eyebrows threaded. But then there’s that final, final step that terrifies me: nether region hair removal.

So the science says that you really shouldn’t remove your pubic hair – it’s there for a reason. But for a girl who’s heard so much shit about the hair that grows everywhere down there seems like an invitation for mockery. I mean, I’ve had a girl howl at me in the hallways at school, call me a werewolf because of the hair on my arms. Another boy made a comment about me having a mustache and I don’t

think I’ll ever forget the sudden deep shame I felt. The shame I still manage to feel. I’m more ashamed of my body hair than I could ever be about sex.

But anyway, the point is, my yoni just seems like another body part on a list of body parts that has more hair than it needs. I mean so far I haven’t had any complaints about it but I always feel the need to warn anyone who ventures down there. It’s a bush, a forest, don’t get lost, keep your arms and legs in the vehicle at all times thank you, and now if we look a bit further south you can see the oasis you’ve been searching for. Whoa there, not that far south.

And, it’s not like I haven’t considered my options --- waxing is painful as fuck. Like, literally spreading hot wax around my vulva then using it to rip out hair by the follicles just so I feel comfortable enough for sex? In my opinion, the cost benefit analysis doesn’t work out, despite my mother’s teachings of “no pain, no gain.” Using a sharp blade down there doesn’t sound any better, not to mention the fact that my hair grows fast and I’d rather not give anyone carpet burn.

Yes, I can trim things but it doesn’t achieve the same effect of smooth hairlessness; I imagine it would feel much like the silkiness of my legs when I finally find a reason to shave in the winter. Or maybe it’ll just reveal more imperfections, like the breakouts and pores I find after removing the hair on my face. It seems I’ll never learn what it’s like to have a hairless pussy.

I suppose I’m just stuck for now.

A sex-stressed sexy woman.

Say that five times fast.