Stay away from ‘Spenser Confidential’

Thursday, April 2, 2020 - 5:45pm

NOSELL

Netflix

“Spenser Confidential” is a terrible movie. Or, it’s perfect if you’re looking for a movie you can have on in the background while you scroll mindlessly through your phone. As much as I tried to understand what was going on, the entire film is a mess. Spenser (Mark Wahlberg, “Daddy’s Home”) is an ex-convict and ex-cop who is trying to track down the killer of the man who Spenser had been sent to prison for attacking. It sounds alright, if a little confusing, but in reality, it’s so convoluted and hard to follow that you end up on your phone instead.

As much as I love action-packed fight scenes, I’ll go out on a limb and say “Spenser Confidential” is more fighting than anything else. There is so much fighting that the plot gets lost amid scenes of Mark Wahlberg getting beat up. Along with the overabundance of fighting is an overabundance of characters, too many to really understand any one person’s role in the film. 

The main character besides Wahlberg’s Spenser is Hawk (Winston Duke, “Black Panther”). If I could, I would tell you what purpose his character serves. But I can’t, because in all honesty, I’m not sure there is one. Spenser lives with his friend Henry (Alan Arkin, “Argo”) who took on Hawk, a boxer who somehow can’t throw a punch, as a roommate while Spenser was in prison. How does Hawk get involved in Spenser’s investigation? I’m not really sure. It doesn’t make any sense.

Frankly, I was counting down the minutes until this movie finished. I spent the first bit trying to pay attention, actually slightly interested in the back-and-forth, present-and-past scenes, but eventually, I got bored. There isn’t enough that happens in the beginning to grab your attention, and there’s nothing exciting that happens later on to make you pay attention then. There isn’t a single character in this film that I actually liked. I didn’t hate anyone either, though. I barely felt anything. If I’m being honest, the only real emotion I felt while watching this film was astonishment because, for some reason, Post Malone was in it.

The biggest problem with “Spenser Confidential” is that even when it’s on, it doesn’t feel like you’re watching anything. It’s background noise, something to have on while you complete a Canvas quiz (yes, I’m speaking from experience). You don’t grow emotionally attached to anyone or anything in the film; so little happens that eventually you forget you’re even watching it. Unless you really don’t want to watch a movie and just need something on to make background noise while you’re doing something else, I would without a doubt classify this movie as a ‘skip.’