Becky Portman: My therapist ghosted me and other concerns

Monday, December 2, 2019 - 12:22pm

NOSELL

Becky Portman

This morning I googled the following: 

Cuffing season duration

Timothée Chalamet Jewish

When is retrograde over

Can you die from lack of attention

It turns out that cuffing season is until March, Timmy isJewish, Mercury is technically out of retrograde but its effects will linger until Saturday and no, you can’t die from a lack of attention. I think our morning Googlings say a lot about us. For your reading pleasure, dear reader, here are some recent Googlings from yours truly.

Nick Jonas nipples

Larry David young

Bernie Sanders young

Dog swimming 

Dog with human teeth 

Dog with human eyes

Dog with human nose

Human with dog nose

How to ask your crush out 

How to ask your crush out in a way that’s cool and chill and not weird

How to ask your crush out in a way that’s cool and chill and not weird and also not awkward

How to buy vibrator on parents credit card without them knowing 

How to pronounce appreciate 

How British pronounce appreciate

Prince Charles young 

Charles and Camilla

Charles and Diana

Diana and Dodi Al-Fayed

Was Lady Di murdered by the queen 

Stop biting nails 

Song that goes duhduh duh duh duhduh

Jobs Chicago

Jobs New York

Jobs Los Angeles

Jobs anywhere 

What do I do after graduation

How to poach an egg

How to write a comedy column 

Why is Michigan a basketball school

How to make turtlenecks look cool for four days 

Is it safe to drink an open bottle of vodka you found on the street 

Am I dehydrated or do I need more coffee

How much coffee is too much coffee

Can you die from too much coffee

How often should you wash your sheets

No but really, can you die from lack of attention

Is loch ness monster real 

Do my roommates hate me

Difference between oral gonorrhea and strep throat 

JonBenét Ramsey still alive

What is Tik Tok 

How to become famous on Tik Tok 

What is an e-boy

What is a VSCO girl

Hydro Flask Amazon 

I called my therapist a week ago and she still hasn’t called me back

Does my therapist hate me

Did my therapist move

Did my therapist lose my phone number

Did my therapist change her phone number

Did my therapist die in a car accident

Did my therapist murder her husband and run away with her lover to Brazil where they could start a new life together

Is my therapist ghosting me