Bad Advice Will: Quality life tips from an unqualified source

Wednesday, March 29, 2017 - 9:49pm

Let’s face it: this school’s hard as shit. There’s no way getting around that harsh reality. I don’t care what your major is or who you are: If you haven’t cried your eyes out at least once after taking an exam, you’re not a true Wolverine. What makes this school especially taxing is the pervasive “stress culture.” As if going to this school weren’t competitive enough, now, we have to deal with pricks boasting about how anxious and overworked they are. When did hating yourself and feeling like you’re going to have a heartattack become a bragging right? But I digress.

I’m here to advise some of my fellow peers on how to live a less stressful, more mindful life. The first concern is a bit bodily, so brace yourself.

Will, I am worried about the amount of sleep I receive on a nightly basis. Around 4 AM every morning, I am awoken by my bladder. The thing is, I don’t drink fluids hours before bed. And, after I go to the bathroom, I’m unable to fall back asleep. I blame stress. Please, help me out with finding ways to decompress at night.

I don’t think this is a stress problem, my friend. When you get up to use the bathroom, the lights blind you and trick your mind into thinking it’s morning. If you live off-campus and can control the lights in the bathroom, following these steps will absolutely help.

Before you go to bed, put the toilet seat down. When making your way into the bathroom, do not turn the light on. Instead, just take a seat and enjoy the peaceful darkness. This way, there is no light stimulating your mind, and your body can remain in full sleep-mode. Do make sure you communicate your plan with your roommate(s), because there’s nothing worse than falling into the toilet bowl.

If you live in a dorm and are forced to walk down a lit hallway to a community bathroom, your problem becomes more complicated. At this point, I suppose the only piece of advice I have is to get creative. Maybe, blindfold yourself and walk to the bathroom. Or, purchase those wraparound sunglasses elders wear after cataract surgery. Really, the purpose is to limit light exposure so the body is not fooled into thinking it’s morning.

Wow. This article is so damn immature. I think it really says a lot about myself. It’s time for me to shed my 7th grader sense of humor. I mean, my friend is asking about ways to reduce stress, and I jump all over the opportunity to make a string of lousy piss jokes. It’s truly a shame. I’m a 20-year-old trapped in a 14-year-old’s mind, and it’s time for me to grow up.

So, anyway, if you’re sure stress is the problem, take time before bed to unwind without the use of electronics. I recommend reading a book or writing all of your thoughts in a journal.

I’m in the Ross School of Business and I’m very stressed out. It’s a really challenging program and I’m falling behind in all of my classes. How do I stay on top of my work and not get bogged down by stress? It’s a vicious cycle, you know?

It’s a vicious cycle, indeed. Thank you for letting me know you’re in Ross, by the way. It’s an anonymous post, so there’s really no one to impress here. Nonetheless, congrats!

Who am I to help you out? I can barely manage my own time, let alone some anonymous BBA submission.

Just give yourself a day to relax. On a Saturday, have some time alone. Don’t fill this day with tons of social obligations. The whole point is letting your body fully recuperate. Also, realize that there are only four weeks of school left.

I dunno, I guess giving advice on how to be less stressed is pretty challenging. Ultimately, tell yourself that everything will end up OK Even if you don’t end up with a perfect GPA, you’re still doing wonderfully. Be less hard on yourself, and perhaps, things will start to look less daunting.