Stirring the Pot with Giselle is one of The Daily’s biweekly advice columns. Submit your questions here!
|One of my housemates ran away with the circus, and now I can’t afford rent. How can I convince him to come back? He said it’s his passion.|
I am so deeply sorry to hear about your unique circumstances — it must be difficult to be so significantly less cool than your housemate. At this point, I would recommend that you pick up a skill and master it, and then get out of your lease. Your housemate could perhaps put in a good word for you with the circus and then you could have the adventure of a lifetime together.
If you are lacking the necessary time or skill to commit yourself to a life of “circus-ry,” I think maybe you should start to seek out a new housemate. I know it’s hard to find a stranger that will be both cool and tolerable to live with, but it’s in your best interest to start fielding early-semester prospects. I would also recommend that you reject any applicants that have particularly entertaining interests or extreme athleticism so that you don’t risk reliving your devastating past. Either way, I wish you every ounce of luck, skill and charisma in the world to ensure your success.
|I am about to move in with my boyfriend (together for over a year), and I am feeling nervous about it. Do you have any general advice? I’m worried that he’s going to be messier than me and I will end up cleaning up after him.|
Did you intentionally ask me this question? I will try to give some genuine advice: do not assume the worst before it even happens. I also find that there is a difference between “messy” and “dirty” (yes, I do leave my trinkets and personal possessions everywhere), but I understand the hesitation.
Remember that this is not just your roommate but also your long-term boyfriend. Intentional and caring communication is the most important consideration when experiencing a big life change together. Do not clean up after him for months and let your resentment simmer — tell him how the mess makes you feel. This is not a “you versus him” situation, but instead a problem that you must approach together as a team because you want one another to feel comfortable and at home in your new place. Try to set a cleaning schedule in the first few weeks. You can also wait to see how messy he is when he lives with you — his habits could have been built from the environment he is currently in and he may try harder to be clean in order to impress you.
Whether he is messy or the mess is never a problem, remember that he is probably a little nervous too. It’s okay to be nervous about moving in together, but it doesn’t mean that you are doomed before you begin. Anticipate the best and speak up for yourself, without putting him down or getting defensive — prioritize kind communication and expect that he tries just as hard to meet you in the middle. If all else fails and you have been cleaning for months with zero communication or acknowledgment from him, start wearing really filthy shoes to bed. That will surely assert your alpha status.
Your song recommendation is: Optimism by Jana Horn.
|Went to rick’s last Thursday, was asked if I would wanna hookup with a random girl and her boyfriend. I was so inebriated that I don’t remember what either of them look like? Guess I gave the girl my number and she has texted me since which I responded to pretty politely. I’m in a really happy relationship and don’t actually want to hookup with these people – nervous I might run into them again and not know that it is them. Please advise: should I pretend it isn’t me if they see me again and talk to me or should I text something now that I’m not interested. Or should I just forget about the whole thing?|
This is a tough one. I can see why you’re a little scared and why seeing them could be potentially awkward, especially as you are in a relationship. Yes, you could text now and say, “Hi, I am sorry that my intentions were unclear before, but I am in a relationship and I do not want to meet up. I am really flattered by you and your boyfriend’s interest, and it was nice talking to you!”
If that is not satisfying enough, I think it would be best that you start wearing disguises in public spaces or make a drastic change to your appearance. As a sort of parallel example, I am severely farsighted and need to wear glasses to read anything within two feet of my eyes. The eye doctor said to wear them as much as possible, which has destroyed my ability to see faces more than 10 feet away. If you are afraid of seeing them in public and not recognizing them, wear a pair of reading glasses. I cannot identify anyone or anything with my glasses on, and Ann Arbor finally seems to have a population of more than 200 people. Sometimes, the blurriness feels like freedom. I hope that helps.
Your song recommendation is: Can You Get To That by Funkadelic.
Dear L (No. 2),
Please do not send questions like this to The Michigan Daily. It shows a certain confidence that scares me. You know what you did.
Your song recommendation is: It Takes Two by Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock.
X-ing and O-ing in a “Gossip Girl” way,
Giselle Mills is an Advice Columnist and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.