Hey babes, I bet you missed me. I wrote the following advice a week or so pre-graduation commencement. Since then, I’ve loved, I’ve lost and I’ve loved some more. Strangely enough, I also got a motorcycle license and went to the Indy 500. Happy summer! Happy graduation! I’m sorry this is all a bit late, but I hope you enjoy it. I stand by everything I wrote, even the embarrassing sappy stuff. <3
Hi again! We’re back from spring break and I’m doing BETTER than ever! I told my friend that I like her and she told me that she’s had a crush on me for the past 6 months! We’re now dating and I couldn’t be happier. We’ve been talking about post-grad plans and I’m coming back for more advice. She’s moving to Bushwick for her new position in Manhattan and I don’t have a job yet. Do I move in with her for the summer and look for jobs in the area?
I forgot to mention a key detail. She and I met at a rave five years ago in Bushwick. We were both [REDACTED] when I caught a glimpse of hope in her eyes. I want to experience going to raves with her again and the only way we can make that happen is if I move in with her. I know it’s really soon but it’s not a permanent thing. What do I do??
-J
Dear J,
It’s nice to hear from you again. I’m glad it went well! It sounds like there are some big decisions to make, but I believe that you two can make it work. I would advise that you sniff out her initial feelings about you moving in — if you think that you are ready to live together, make sure that she feels the same. I know that you have been best friends since freshman year, but the transition from a friendship to a romantic relationship can be rocky and challenging. That means you might need to spend a lot of time talking through relationship expectations with her. Perhaps moving in is the optimal option to ensure your feelings don’t suffer under the weight of long distance — or perhaps moving in would be too much too soon.
For now, you might want to start your job search. Applying to jobs and getting an idea of what you might be doing once you are in New York could help your confidence (and your ability to rent a separate apartment) and assure her that you are serious. If you are asking to move in with her for the summer, be sure to clarify your intentions and what you expect from your relationship and cohabitation. It may be a bit soon, and living with her may not be permanent right now, but make sure she knows that you want it to be a real relationship; not just one where you sleep on her couch and party every night in New York City, only to head home three months later. Be honest with her, and be honest with yourself about your priorities post-graduation, and try to work from there.
Good luck with the raves — your description sounds horrible, but I believe you.
Your song recommendations are: “People Ain’t Dancing” by Billen Ted ft. Kah-Lo and “Time of the Season” by The Zombies.
hey.
do u think gweenytj paultro was guilty? or just goopy?
-M
Hey M,
Is it possible to be both?
Your song recommendation is: “Stuck In The Middle” by Greentea Peng (also my favorite song right now).
Help, I’ve been here for something like seven months already and promises of college finally bringing a change to my romantic life (none) have all turned out false. All the people I hang out with are people I met in the first two weeks, but I think I need to meet new people and (hopefully) new and exciting crushes. How do I do this?? It doesn’t help that everyone in my classes, me included, seem buried in homework and clubs.
-J
Hi J,
Freshman year can be hard. I would recommend finding fun places to do your homework — it’s totally possible to meet new people in cafes and libraries. Also, be sure that you are introducing yourself and talking to people in your classes and clubs. One of my friends likes to say that the people around you can feel your “vibe.” She would say that you shouldn’t try too hard, and the right people will come to you. On one hand, I agree that you shouldn’t make “meeting new people” your overwhelming goal when going to a new place or event. Try to enjoy yourself and have fun wherever you are, and people will be drawn to you because they want to have fun too!
On the other hand, you need to put yourself out there. If you really want to meet someone, you need to be willing to initiate conversations and plans. This leads us to your new social and academic commitment: Join a consulting club or sign up for networking events. This may seem like a lot more work to add to your plate, but it could end up fruitful — I have never met a student in the Ross School of Business who couldn’t start a conversation and keep it going. Apply for a minor in the Business School. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Next year will bring new classes, connections and professional opportunities!
Your song recommendations are: “Easier Said Than Done” by Thee Sacred Souls and “Sea Gets Hotter” by Durand Jones & The Indications.
Tim Gunn [REDACTED]. Thoughts?
-M
Hi M,
He WHAT?
Thanks,
“Uneasy” by Metronomy x spill tab
I think my roommate’s cat ate my sister’s gerbil while I was rodent-sitting. The gerbil is missing and he’s looking so guilty. What should I do?
PS… post grad plans?
-C
Dear C,
Oh no. This is not good. This is really bad news for me personally. Do gerbils have strong, sturdy bones or fragile bird-like bones? Did the cat eat it whole? How big was the gerbil? What is the difference between a gerbil and a hamster? I have to say, you’ve ruined my night, but it sounds like you’ve already had a bad one. One might suggest that you tell the truth and investigate the circumstances — is he just missing or was he eaten? — but I think your best bet is to buy a replacement. Find a gerbil that looks similar enough and hope that she doesn’t notice. It’s what any well-meaning parent would do. If our local Ann Arbor pet stores come up empty in their rodent departments, come clean and beg for forgiveness. It’s all you can do in a cat-eat-gerbil world.
Sorry, though. That sounds like a sticky situation. My childhood cat killed several mice, but did not eat them. I think she did it just to prove that she could.
Also, my grad plans revolve around soaking up the sun and intense, sweat-inducing stress dreams. Go ahead, make your assumptions. (Oohhh look at meee … I’m soo mysterious.)
Your song recommendations are: The opening scene (“Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight”) of “Sing” and “Season of the Witch” by Donovan.
We’re less than a month away from graduation and the dread of leaving my friends is breathing down my spine. I’ve managed to avoid thinking about it too much, but those panicked end-of-year hangouts before we go our separate ways are starting to rev up and worrying me about what comes next.
I don’t want to say goodbye, but the realist inside of me knows that I won’t be able to see them even half as often as we have in Ann Arbor. I’m afraid my friendships will all drift away once we get sick of playing online games and texting in group chats about the next time we’ll see each other. Is there any way around this sinking feeling, or am I doomed to urban solitude along with everyone else in the class of 2023?
-L
Dear L,
Oof. I totally understand those feelings. It is awfully scary to move into a new stage of life. I am struggling with the same problem and I am sure a lot of our classmates have similar concerns. I think that the sinking feeling is natural. It is at least common, and that might need to be enough for us right now.
Maybe this is the worst thing to say, but I think it is unfortunately likely that you will fall out of contact with some of your friends after leaving school. Who knows, you might run into them on the street in 10 years and strike up a new friendship. They might invite you to their wedding on a whim and you might go just to see what happens for old times’ sake. Maybe you will drift away and simply know that you made a positive dent in their life, and they did in yours. Remember that there is a perfectly you-shaped space in their memory that cannot be replaced or taken away. This is maybe the sappiest of answers I have ever had to write.
In the coming months and years, you may feel distant from them, but the moment you are all back together for a reunion or a coincidence, it may seem like there was no time missed at all. I am betting on moments like those for my own sanity. Remember, you will make new friends and create new loving relationships wherever you end up, but that does not mean you have to love your college friends any less. Despite missed calls, awkward scheduling, offbeat text messages and any distance between you, these people can always mean as much to you in the future as they do now.
I guess what I am trying to say is that most of us will weep and exhaust ourselves with stress and feel great magnitudes of misery and nostalgia for our college friends. We will all figure it out — even if it sucks sometimes. That is the cost of exciting and heart-wrenching monumental change. We will celebrate each other and our time together on commencement day, and the week after that and the summer following. We will hug each other tightly and try not to cry and promise letters and Facetimes and homecomings. We will promise those things because we love each other and it will be okay.
I wish I could say more to soothe you, but I can only be tender and honest. We 2019-2023 college students have been through some really hard years with our friends. Try your best to love them, tell them how much they mean to you and let them love you in return. Even decades and thousands of miles apart, I would like to think that we will all still feel that love.
Your (admittedly emotional) song recommendations are: “Wasteland, Baby!” by Hozier, “Home” by Kokoroko and “North Star” by Searows.
For my loved ones, a mood board: Pluto Time, a new idiom, a poem and a few memorable songs. “Take Me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver, “Linger” by The Cranberries, “Snowing, all at once” by Kingfisher and “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.
Graduating is very weird. I hadn’t really felt college ending until the day I wrote this on the last day of classes. I planned to recommend one final song to everyone — “We’ve Only Just Begun” by Grant Green or maybe “Glisten by the Wind” by Nick Leng — but I am suddenly feeling a bit sentimental and soft.
For everyone who read and responded to this little advice column: Thank you for sending me your questions, even when they were strange or made up. I had a lot of fun and I hope you did, too.
Fondly,
Giselle