Molly Payton: Pandora's Box


Published May 8, 2011

Sex is awesome. I’m talking about the toe-curling, mind-numbing, stop-your-breathing sex. Seriously, you should try it.

What isn’t so awesome is the lack of discussion about sex and all its ins and outs. Why is sex kept behind bedroom doors and in the back seats of cars? Why can’t anyone say the word ‘dildo’ without dry heaving?

So I want to talk about sex, baby. I want to live in a world where I could walk into the Ugli and announce, “I just had an amazing orgasm” and be received the same way as if I just yelled, “I just got my acceptance letter to Hogwarts!”

Everyone would appreciate the news.

But I don’t even need that much — if my sexcapades were simply overheard in the Ugli and appreciated by a fellow sex enthusiast, then we’re finally getting somewhere.

There’s a silent weight on the topic of sex. Somehow over the years, anything sexual became anything shameful. And trust me, I went to Catholic school all my life. I know guilt. I don’t understand how anyone can be expected to have a handle on themselves if they aren’t given a fair chance to figure it out. And the best way I’ve learned to solve problems is to just keep complaining about it — just kidding, to have a good old-fashioned dialogue about it.

So when I want to talk about sex, that’s what I want to do: talk. Not judge, but have a useful conversation about something that is a major part of our lives. I don’t mean to be vulgar or invasive, all I ask is for people to bring some consideration to the subject.

Why is sex not part of daily conversations? It’s one of the most basic elements of our lives, but why is everyone so damn uncomfortable talking about it? Normally whenever I bring up sex, judgments are made or walls immediately shoot up. I understand other people are shy and hesitant to talk about their personal lives, but the problem lies beyond that. If I’m comfortable sharing my sex life, I should be able to do so, but I get spurned for it.

People should be elated to have an open discussion about hook-ups or sexting because we all could learn from each other. Sexuality is just like someone’s personality or someone’s stretch marks: always unique. It’s so beautifully complex and personal and one of the most basic ways to relate with someone. You don’t have to share every detail of your most intimate night, but the next time someone brings up sex, just go with it. You’ll learn something, I promise.

So let’s cut the bullshit, and talk about what’s on everyone’s dirty, dirty minds.

As much as it is awesome, sex is hard. And by hard, I mean as complicated as explaining what a blumpkin is to your RA. It’s a delicate process, but sex is to be enjoyed. I encourage all forms of healthy and consensual sex.

Do you remember your first celebrity crush? How about your first erection? Remember wondering why your panties were suddenly wet? Or even the sinking feeling in your stomach when you caught a glimpse of a love scene?

That’s your sexuality. Even before sharing a sexual experience with someone else, discovering your sexuality should be a celebrated process. If you are completely lost in it, celebrate it.

Don’t let my forwardness scare you. Take your time. You want to honor your sexuality so that hopefully each sexual experience is positive. Remember it’s your sex life — experience it how you want. Put your hand down there, watch some porn, or maybe just kiss a piece of fruit. Just do it on your own terms.

Once you explore your sexual inclinations, share it with the world. I want to hear all about it, and soon, everyone else will too.