This is The Daily’s new advice column. Submit questions here.
Sometimes, life can feel a little too settled, and too many good things can become a boring thing. A bad grade, stepping in some gum or even plucking your eyebrows a little too thin can completely ruin an otherwise good week when you have nothing else going on. But when you and your roommate are in an all-out turf war or you just impulsively kissed your best friend, those small inconveniences can be brushed off. Creating drama by and for yourself provides the gift of scale — the little stuff becomes inconsequential.
Drama keeps us alive. Gossip brings us closer. Good advice can make a bad situation good again. But “bad” advice? Bad advice is exciting, obnoxious and you can’t help but watch and see what will happen. That is not to say that my intentions are to ruin your life — I just think we could all take more risks. How many advice columns represent that voice in your head, the one that says to do the right thing and to handle a sticky situation with absolute grace, dignity and courageous vulnerability? Nearly all of them. And how many advice columns give voice to the little devil on your shoulder? Zero. Sometimes a situation calls for a bit of pettiness, a morally gray choice or a straight-up meltdown.
And remember, I am neither your therapist nor your mother. I am just some person on the internet hoping to make a bad situation at least a little funny for both you and me. I will never claim that my advice is helpful in the long run, but by taking it you may end up looking really cool to your future self, your parents’ friends from college, your nieces and nephews, and your barber.
Maybe every once in a while I’ll take it easy on you. I’ll put on my best listening ears and gracefully transcribe my response in 16-point-size, gorgeous calligraphy and have someone else type it — those will be the nice ones, when being impulsive and silly just doesn’t quite fit the situation. I may be blunt and tell you something you didn’t want to hear, because sometimes a recommendation for a good movie or a local hot yoga studio is the only answer to your woes that I can provide.
So let’s “goss” (imagine me lying across your bed with a little handheld mirror, putting on the red lipstick that I found in your mom’s bathroom cabinet) and get into it. Tell me your most ridiculous, embarrassing and toughest problems, and I’ll try to help you find some fun in it or just tell it to you straight. You can only make truly stupid decisions and blame them on your youth for a little bit longer. I would love the chance to make your life a little more interesting.
Giselle Mills is an Advice Columnist & can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.