“We’re not supposed to drink in our house, but we all do,” my friend tells me of her sorority house. This is the case with many of these all-female houses on campus and across the country. Since September, I have lived with about 50 other girls in the Alpha Chi Omega house on Hill Street. There are many great advantages to living in the house — we form tight bonds, spend time with girls we hadn’t gotten to know previously and have unlimited access to a wardrobe almost as large as the Kardashians’.
However, while the sorority has come to represent the image of an Elle Wood’s lifestyle — leg-shaving parties, cushy living rooms and lots of pink — the fraternity house has a completely different image. A typical fraternity has come to represent drugs and alcohol, sticky floors, loud music and, unfortunately, sexual assault. How is it possible that two different houses, sometimes right next door to each other, holding many friendships and shared social events, with similar so-called values and purposes, have evolved to be so drastically different?
For this piece, I am going to compare and contrast the handbook for the Alpha Chi Omega household to that of a fraternity that has requested to not be named. This is a fraternity that the members of Alpha Chi Omega often go to for parties or to hang out.
The most noticeable gap in the rules pertains to drugs and alcohol. The Alpha Chi Omega House Guide Handbook clearly states in multiple ways and places, “The possession, sale or use of any illegal drugs or controlled substances while on chapter premises … is strictly prohibited.” If members are caught with drugs or alcohol, we can be fined. After three strikes, we’re at risk of having our chapter revoked. I was surprised to learn the fraternity has strict rules as well. Members should not drink or sell alcohol on their chapter premises either, with the exception of registered parties.
The key difference is that we have a house mom, or an adult woman who lives under our roof to keep up our house in order and enforce the rules. As far as I can tell, every sorority on Michigan’s campus has a house mom, and none of the fraternities have the equivalent, or a house dad. The fraternity can gain permission for a party in which they can serve alcohol to those who are over 21 under strict guidelines. The expectation is clear: The fraternity will throw parties, the sorority will not. The only time I have been to another sorority house is for socializing in a small group or eating a meal. I have spent two years heavily involved in Greek life at the University, and I have never heard of a party at a sorority. Conversely, I have been to fraternities almost exclusively for parties involving alcohol.
Next is the issue of guests. No men are permitted in the Alpha Chi Omega household between the hours of 2 a.m. and 7 a.m. This means that if you have a male friend visiting from out of town, he cannot stay with you. I once asked our chapter adviser why women are allowed to be guests and not men, and she responded that this is to prevent sexual assault. The rule functions under the extremely discriminatory assumption that men, and only men, are the perpetrators of sexual assault. This rule is also heteronormative, meaning the assumption that all humans fall under two categories of men attracted to women and women attracted to men. Just as a man may want to sleep over at Alpha Chi Omega as a sexual partner, a woman may want to as well.
I found extensive rules on the fraternity’s website outlining prevention of sexual assault, but nothing related to having guests sleep over. I know it is the norm to have women sleep over at a fraternity house, but it is unlikely to have men sleepover at a sorority house. I cannot find the phrase “overnight guest” in their handbook.
Some other, seemingly arbitrary, rules that are a part of life at the Alpha Chi Omega house: no candles, no lighters, no matches. This December, as a Jew, I was unable to light a menorah because the house rules did not permit candles. If the house were to burn down and there were candles inside, we would receive no insurance. I don’t think religious discrimination is the issue. I don’t know what would have happened if I had appealed to Alpha Chi Omega’s headquarters for permission to light a menorah in the house on Hill Street. I was more concerned with studying for finals than lighting the menorah, and I watched my family do it over FaceTime. Once again, I could not find any rules relating to candles, lighters or matches in the fraternity’s handbook. The double standard whittles itself all the way down to something as minute as a match. Maybe women can’t be trusted with matches and men can? I don’t know.
What I do know is that there is a clear double standard here. While men get to throw parties — are expected to throw parties — women are the ones expected to show up. There are advantages to both sides — we go home to a clean place without sticky floors, but we do not get to provide our own alcohol, see where it comes from and pour it into the cups ourselves. Fraternity members have to deal with the mess and stress that comes with throwing the parties, but they never have to worry about where they are going to leave their coat so it won’t get stolen, how they are getting home at the end of the night or where their long-distance girlfriend is going to stay when she comes for a visit. Greek life has given me a lot over my two years here. I have gained strong friendships, a wonderful social life and a place to call home. However, it’s impossible to ignore the glaring flaws, especially when it comes to the expectations and regulations for men versus women.
Alison Schalop can be reached at aschalop@umich.edu.