After a long day of doing nothing in various places on campus, I drag my tired body into my dorm only to be awakened by my roommate and her friends sipping on Burnett’s out of coffee mugs. “Temperature,” by Sean Paul is playing in the background as the very American girls in my room try to imitate the Jamaican accent emitting from my roommate’s laptop.
My roommate smiles at me anticipating my comments about how basic her music taste is (I make sarcastic comments out of love not out of hate and she knows I’m kidding) and I can’t even keep a straight face because in the exact moment that I start to speak, “All Star,” by Smash Mouth starts filling the atmosphere in my dorm. Everyone in the room screams in unison “Omg Shrek!” and they collectively start singing every word.
The first time I came home to this it was unexpected, and I was a little surprised. Having this be probably over the sixth time I find myself in this situation I look at my roommate and speak over the “Hey now you’re an all star getchya game on, go play,” I say, “Is this that stupid ‘College Alcohol Frat Party Time 9000’ playlist on Spotify again?” Which, first of all, is already the most unbelievable playlist title that has ever existed. With that title you already know that the playlist is complete trash. She shakes her head and through laughter manages to tell me, “Nope it’s 7th Grade Sexual Explosion.”
My brain gets flooded with a plethora of thoughts when that phrase leaves my roommate’s lips because I was under the impression that “College Alcohol Frat Party Time 9000” could not be beat in the game of ridiculous Spotify playlists. But “7th Grade Sexual Explosion” steals first place because, in all honesty, what in the actual fuck? Not only that, but the creator’s Spotify username is Bing Bing Xie. I had to say the title aloud a few times in order for it to sound semi-acceptable coming out of my mouth. Try it, try saying “7th Grade Sexual Explosion” without feeling any type of discomfort. It is impossible and always will be, I promise.
Just to give you a taste of this playlist here are some of the songs besides the two previously mentioned: “All The Small Things” by Blink-182, “Stronger” by the infamous Kanye West, “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira, “1985” by Bowling for Soup, “Crank That” by Souja Boy and, of course it has that dumb song everyone knows for some reason, “Every Time We Touch” by Cascada. There’s also stuff from Coldplay and a-ha.
Again (and I apologize for the vulgarity, but you have to empathize with me) what the fuck? This is the trashiest thing that I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. I say pleasure because it’s the best piece of trash you could find on Spotify.
This Spotify hidden treasure is bitter sweet. It’s full of great throwback songs that you probably wish your younger self never listened to because now it doesn’t fit your image, but you have to sing along anyways. But at the same time it brings back every detail about middle school that we all try so hard to repress. Having enough acne to connect the dots and create an art piece with, wearing that Ed Hardy shirt you probably thought was an acceptable style, the adrenaline pulsing through your veins from running to classes with only 5 minutes in between, the “shops at Hot Topic” phase, and I guess according to the title, your seventh grade sexual explosion.
These songs definitely bring me back to seventh grade, but there is no sexual explosion. And morally, that’s probably how it should be. Hopefully this playlist is being listened to by drunk college kids and not seventh graders trying explore their sexuality. All I can say is thanks, Bing Bing. I never knew I could feel these extreme levels of being hype and uncomfortable simultaneously.