to everyone who has exoticized me:
of course
i’m sorry
chase couldn’t like me because he thought i was nice
or cute
or funny
chase had to like me because i was asian
no
my name couldn’t have come from the bible
my name definitely came from “the” chinese archives
probably written in hieroglyphics in some ancient mountain scripture
oh
and
i couldn’t possibly be from cleveland
i needed to be born in a foreign farming village with a tongue twister of a province name
after all these years
i’ve had it all wrong
you see
i am finally understanding how you look at me
my black hair screams “submissive”
my brown eyes whisper “shy”
my golden skin cries “exotic”
i am a beautiful beta
ready for you to hypersexualize
you know the type
reserved but secretly sexually driven
soft-spoken but loud in bed
demure
easy
available
ready for you to court
ready for you to dominate
i’m so sorry i never saw things this way
it makes so much more sense
why you treat me the way you do
“i had an asian girlfriend once”
okay
and?
“i love asian girls”
so
am i supposed to be flattered or
“you’re really hot for an asian girl”
an oldie but a goodie
this one makes my heart swell with desire and gratitude!
—
asian women have long been crammed into this single image of being sweet and docile
but i am not your asian stereotype
and neither is the girl who sits next to you in lecture
or the server at your local chinese restaurant
we are all individuals
with our own personalities
quirks
and lives
and we were not put on this earth
to sit here
and listen to your heartfelt desires for a petite asian girlfriend
i am not exotic
i am simply
an asian-american woman