Random Student Interview: Random's parents love him


Published April 5, 2006

Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Aaron there?

R: No he's not.

TMD: Who's this?

R: This is his roommate.

TMD: What's your name man?

R: Matt.

TMD: Hi, I've got great news. This is Chris from The Michigan Daily and you can do the Random Student Interview this week.

R: I can do the what?

TMD: The Random Student Interview. Do you have a couple of minutes?

R: Yeah, sure.

TMD: First question: What do you think about Florida winning the NCAA Tournament?

R: I mean, they're a great team and I think Noah is a great player. So, they deserved it.

TMD: Yeah, that's true. What do you think about the women's NCAA Tournament?

R: I really couldn't care less about the women's Tournament.

TMD: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Do you even know who won?

R: Maryland. They played Duke in the finals. Maryland beat UNC in the semifinals.

TMD: Well there you go. Sounds like you know a lot about it actually.

R: I mean, I do know a little bit but I still couldn't care less about it.

TMD: Very well then. Who do you think people care less about: women's college basketball or the WNBA?

R: WNBA. Absolutely no one cares about the WNBA.

TMD: That's pretty harsh. What do you think about Big Ten Burrito and them having to change their name?

R: They have to change their name?

TMD: Yeah, you didn't hear about this?

R: What do they have to change it to?

TMD: It's up in the air. There's a contest going on right now where you can decide what their name will be.

R: Why do they have to change their name?

TMD: Because the Big Ten is being pissy.

R: I didn't hear about that. It's kind of funny.

TMD: It's pretty terrible actually. If you could change the name of Big Ten to anything you want, what would it be?

R: Um, no clue actually. Let me think . I don't know. Something to do with Michigan. Maybe Wolverine Burrito? Something like that.

TMD: That's pretty lame.

R: I know.

TMD: All right, next question: Do you have a dog?

R: No . oh, at home I have one.

TMD: At home, yeah. Obviously you don't have one in the dorms. What's its name?

R: Um, Daisy.

TMD: That's a pretty boring name. Do you have a sister or something?

R: Uh, yeah I do have a sister.

TMD: I was going to say, I hope you didn't name your dog Daisy.

R: No, I didn't name my dog Daisy.

TMD: That's good. Is it like a poodle or something?

R: Actually it's a shih-tzu.

TMD: Oh, a shih-tzu, that's a pretty cute dog. Daisy is a good name for a cute dog.

R: Yeah.

TMD: Do you think your parents love you?

R: I do think my parents love me.

TMD: On a scale from one to 10, how would you rate their love for you?

R: A 10. I don't understand where these questions are coming from now.

TMD: Why not?

R: These make no sense.

TMD: That's the point. How much do you think your parents love your sister on the same scale?

R: Step-sister, and they love her . 10. . Seriously, this is getting nowhere.

TMD: If they had to rank the two of you, where do you think you'd be?

R: She's my step-sister so we have different parents. We'd both be the exact same.

TMD: OK, so you'd both be number one. That's a pretty good deal. How many times a day do you wish you were Shaq?

R: Um, zero.

TMD: You never wish you were Shaq? Why not?

R: Because he's a douchebag.

TMD: Shaq's a douchebag? No way, he's awesome.

R: All right, you can answer the question yourself then.

TMD: I wish I could be him about six to seven times a day.

R: Well, not everyone's like you I guess.

TMD: Yeah, not everyone is like me. How many times a day do you wish you were Mary Sue?

R: Actually zero to that one too.

TMD: Zero to Mary Sue. You never walk around campus thinking, "I wish I were Mary Sue so I could yell at people?"

R: No, I don't care about that.

TMD: What do you think about "Snakes On a Plane?"

R: I don't know. I don't care about snakes on a plane.

TMD: You know about the movie though right?

R: No I don't.

TMD: What? Do you follow anything? What do you pay attention to?

R: What?

TMD: Do you follow anything?

R: I like sports. Like I told you, I know everything about women's college basketball but don't care about it.

TMD: Well, "Snakes On a Plane" is the new Samuel L. Jackson movie where he fights snakes on a plane.

R: That sounds like the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

TMD: It's getting a lot of press. A lot of people think it's going to be amazing. They're already talking about best picture of the year.

R: All right, this conversation is ending unless you actually have a point. Are you really from The Michigan Daily?

TMD: Yes. This will be in the paper tomorrow.

R: What section?

TMD: The Statement.

R: What's the writer?

TMD: Chris Gaerig. I'm the associate editor of it.

R: Chris Gaerit?

TMD: Gaerig. Like the baseball player. Like the disease.

R: Gehrig?

TMD: No, Gaerig.

R: So it's not like the baseball player.

TMD: It's pronounced the same way. Kind of like the disease. Let's keep going. What are your plans for summer?

R: Um, stay at home and work.

TMD: Where are you going to work at?

R: No clue.

TMD: That's cool. Are you going to go anywhere?

R: Probably California.

TMD: You're just going to go out there and surf and hang out with your bros?

R: Sure.

TMD: I might go to California myself. Maybe we could meet up.

R: Can't wait.

TMD: What are you more worried about: bird flu or SARS?

R: Neither.

TMD: You don't hang out with open markets? Play with chickens and things? SARS is everywhere so I am pretty worried about it.

R: Usually just East Asia.

TMD: How tall are you?

R: Seven-foot-2.

TMD: You're 7-foot-2? That's a lie. It wouldn't surprise me though. Maybe that's why you don't want to be Shaq. You've got to be pretty tall. But how tall are you?

R: Five-foot-8.

TMD: That's pretty sweet. What's the tallest thing you've ever done?

R: That didn't make sense.

TMD: Well the tallest thing I've ever done is touch the rim in basketball.

R: That's jumping. That's not being tall.

TMD: It's like doing tall things. I'm not that tall so .

R: All right, I can almost touch the rim in basketball.

TMD: See there you go. But that's all I've got for you man.

R: Can't wait to see it in the paper. Bye.