BY CHRIS GAERIG
Published April 5, 2006
The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Aaron there?
R: No he's not.
TMD: Who's this?
R: This is his roommate.
TMD: What's your name man?
TMD: Hi, I've got great news. This is Chris from The Michigan Daily and you can do the Random Student Interview this week.
R: I can do the what?
TMD: The Random Student Interview. Do you have a couple of minutes?
R: Yeah, sure.
TMD: First question: What do you think about Florida winning the NCAA Tournament?
R: I mean, they're a great team and I think Noah is a great player. So, they deserved it.
TMD: Yeah, that's true. What do you think about the women's NCAA Tournament?
R: I really couldn't care less about the women's Tournament.
TMD: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Do you even know who won?
R: Maryland. They played Duke in the finals. Maryland beat UNC in the semifinals.
TMD: Well there you go. Sounds like you know a lot about it actually.
R: I mean, I do know a little bit but I still couldn't care less about it.
TMD: Very well then. Who do you think people care less about: women's college basketball or the WNBA?
R: WNBA. Absolutely no one cares about the WNBA.
TMD: That's pretty harsh. What do you think about Big Ten Burrito and them having to change their name?
R: They have to change their name?
TMD: Yeah, you didn't hear about this?
R: What do they have to change it to?
TMD: It's up in the air. There's a contest going on right now where you can decide what their name will be.
R: Why do they have to change their name?
TMD: Because the Big Ten is being pissy.
R: I didn't hear about that. It's kind of funny.
TMD: It's pretty terrible actually. If you could change the name of Big Ten to anything you want, what would it be?
R: Um, no clue actually. Let me think . I don't know. Something to do with Michigan. Maybe Wolverine Burrito? Something like that.
TMD: That's pretty lame.
R: I know.
TMD: All right, next question: Do you have a dog?
R: No . oh, at home I have one.
TMD: At home, yeah. Obviously you don't have one in the dorms. What's its name?
R: Um, Daisy.
TMD: That's a pretty boring name. Do you have a sister or something?
R: Uh, yeah I do have a sister.
TMD: I was going to say, I hope you didn't name your dog Daisy.
R: No, I didn't name my dog Daisy.
TMD: That's good. Is it like a poodle or something?
R: Actually it's a shih-tzu.
TMD: Oh, a shih-tzu, that's a pretty cute dog. Daisy is a good name for a cute dog.
TMD: Do you think your parents love you?
R: I do think my parents love me.
TMD: On a scale from one to 10, how would you rate their love for you?
R: A 10. I don't understand where these questions are coming from now.
TMD: Why not?
R: These make no sense.
TMD: That's the point. How much do you think your parents love your sister on the same scale?
R: Step-sister, and they love her . 10. . Seriously, this is getting nowhere.
TMD: If they had to rank the two of you, where do you think you'd be?
R: She's my step-sister so we have different parents. We'd both be the exact same.
TMD: OK, so you'd both be number one. That's a pretty good deal. How many times a day do you wish you were Shaq?
R: Um, zero.
TMD: You never wish you were Shaq? Why not?
R: Because he's a douchebag.
TMD: Shaq's a douchebag? No way, he's awesome.
R: All right, you can answer the question yourself then.
TMD: I wish I could be him about six to seven times a day.
R: Well, not everyone's like you I guess.
TMD: Yeah, not everyone is like me. How many times a day do you wish you were Mary Sue?
R: Actually zero to that one too.
TMD: Zero to Mary Sue. You never walk around campus thinking, "I wish I were Mary Sue so I could yell at people?"
R: No, I don't care about that.
TMD: What do you think about "Snakes On a Plane?"
R: I don't know. I don't care about snakes on a plane.
TMD: You know about the movie though right?
R: No I don't.
TMD: What? Do you follow anything? What do you pay attention to?
TMD: Do you follow anything?
R: I like sports. Like I told you, I know everything about women's college basketball but don't care about it.
TMD: Well, "Snakes On a Plane" is the new Samuel L. Jackson movie where he fights snakes on a plane.
R: That sounds like the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
TMD: It's getting a lot of press. A lot of people think it's going to be amazing. They're already talking about best picture of the year.
R: All right, this conversation is ending unless you actually have a point. Are you really from The Michigan Daily?
TMD: Yes. This will be in the paper tomorrow.
R: What section?
TMD: The Statement.
R: What's the writer?
TMD: Chris Gaerig. I'm the associate editor of it.
R: Chris Gaerit?
TMD: Gaerig. Like the baseball player. Like the disease.
TMD: No, Gaerig.
R: So it's not like the baseball player.
TMD: It's pronounced the same way. Kind of like the disease. Let's keep going. What are your plans for summer?
R: Um, stay at home and work.
TMD: Where are you going to work at?
R: No clue.
TMD: That's cool. Are you going to go anywhere?
R: Probably California.
TMD: You're just going to go out there and surf and hang out with your bros?
TMD: I might go to California myself. Maybe we could meet up.
R: Can't wait.
TMD: What are you more worried about: bird flu or SARS?
TMD: You don't hang out with open markets? Play with chickens and things? SARS is everywhere so I am pretty worried about it.
R: Usually just East Asia.
TMD: How tall are you?
TMD: You're 7-foot-2? That's a lie. It wouldn't surprise me though. Maybe that's why you don't want to be Shaq. You've got to be pretty tall. But how tall are you?
TMD: That's pretty sweet. What's the tallest thing you've ever done?
R: That didn't make sense.
TMD: Well the tallest thing I've ever done is touch the rim in basketball.
R: That's jumping. That's not being tall.
TMD: It's like doing tall things. I'm not that tall so .
R: All right, I can almost touch the rim in basketball.
TMD: See there you go. But that's all I've got for you man.
R: Can't wait to see it in the paper. Bye.