Random Student Interview: Random is skeptical

BY BY EVAN MCGARVEY
Daily Staff Writer
Published January 26, 2006

The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Michael Jones there?

Random: Yeah, this is Mike.

TMD: Great news, you've been selected to do the Random Student Interview in the Michigan Daily, do you have a few minutes?

R: Sure.

TMD: First question, how come your phone number isn't 281-330-8004?

R: Ha! It wasn't available in my area code.

TMD: How do you feel about people using AIM speak in normal conversation?

R: I think it's pretty stupid. People are lazy and don't want to say the whole word.

TMD: What are your alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks of choice?

R: Gin and tonic . (silence)

TMD: . and your non-alcoholic?

R: . (extended silence) . Hey, you bitch. I know who this is! . Jamie!

TMD: Uh, Jamie? No. It's Evan, the guy doing the random. But aren't you Mike Jones? Aren't you supposed to be surrounded by everyone else in Swishahouse?

R: Shut your ass up Jamie! You're such a bitch.

TMD: Do white people bore you?

R: Yes.

TMD: Is the bird flu the new trendy virus?

R: Yeah, but I'm not scared.

TMD: So you're not scared by any disease? I mean, you did write "Still Tippin'." Mike, are you involved in Greek life at all?

R: Yeah!

TMD: Okay, so how do you think the Greek life at the University contrasts with the life of Greek people in the real world?

R: What?

TMD: As a member of the Greek community are you concerned with Cyprus or a better relationship with Turkey and Armenia?

R: Ummmmm .

TMD: Peloponnesian War?

R: Jamie, dude, why are you doing this?

TMD: What's your activity of choice on the weekend?

R: I don't know, just getting drunk .

TMD: . with Slim Thug and Paul Wall?

R: No.

TMD: What's your major?

R: Engineering.

TMD: What kind?

R: Don't know yet.

TMD: Who is the president of Mexico?

R: No idea.

TMD: Canada?

R: No idea.

TMD: Prime Minister of England?

R: No idea.

TMD: Wow . Mexico, dude . you know that they share a huge border with us, right?

R: Yeah.

TMD: Just not interested?

R: Yeah, man.

TMD: So the football team had a rough go of it this year, and Tennessee had a similarly woeful season. Their head coach (Phil Fulmer) sent a letter of apology to all season ticket holders. What if Lloyd Carr offered a back rub to each season ticket holder after every loss?

R: Wow, that'd be pretty sweet.

TMD: What if you had the option of a happy ending?

R: Dude, no!

TMD: What about from Kevin Grady?

R: No!

TMD: Max Pollock?

R: Dude, no way . well, maybe from Jamie .

TMD: Okay, that's it, look for this tomorrow . WHO?