Random picks Lewinsky to win mud wrestling

BY GRAHAM KELLY
Daily Arts Writer
Published January 23, 2003

The Michigan Daily: Hi, I'm a writer with the Michigan Daily. You've been chosen to take part in this week's Random Student Interview. Are you up for it?

Random: Sure.

TMD: Who wins the fight, Monica Lewinsky or Hillary Rodham Clinton?

R: Monica Lewinsky.

TMD: Now with mud.

R: With mud?

TMD: Mud is now a factor.

R: Still Monica Lewinsky.

TMD: What does it mean when you say someone is a MacGyver?

R: That they are like a jack-of-all trades.

TMD: What actor played MacGyver on TV?

R: I have no idea.

TMD: Richard Dean Anderson.

R: He was in like a plane movie too, or something.

TMD: Do you believe that to be a successful British rock band, 75 percent of the members have to be hideously ugly?

R: Yes.

TMD: What is the ugliest British band you know?

R: The Clash. They also have to have horrible, horrible haircuts.

TMD: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

R: Your mom.

TMD: Wow. Getting a little feisty. Who was your favorite character on "Saved By The Bell?"

R: Slater.

TMD: Do you know who played Zack?

R: Um, Mark Paul Gosselaar or something.

TMD: Very good. Do you think that Mark-Paul Gosselaar did anything with his life after "SBTB," or did you expect more out of him?

R: No, how can you? Eight years on "SBTB" equals a typecast.

TMD: Do you like Worcester Sauce?

R: Yeah.

TMD: What aquatic animal is a key ingredient in Worcester Sauce?

R: Anchovies.

TMD: How many people do you think will read this article?

R: Three.

TMD: That sounds about right. The cast of "Friends" recently signed up for another season. What are your thoughts?

R: Cool. I love that show.

TMD: When you are at a drive-thru window at a burger place and it's taking really long to get your food, do you ever wonder out loud if they are growing the potatoes out back in an attempt to be witty?

R: No. Usually I'll drive up, and then pull back in backwards to kill time.

TMD: Same question, but this time with the joke being that they have to kill the cow?

R: Yes.

TMD: Don't you think that's a little rude of you, considering those people are working as hard as they can to prepare your food while you sit comfortably in your climate-controlled car?

R: No. I could do it faster.

TMD: Have you ever been abducted?

R: By aliens?

TMD: Yup.

R: No.

TMD: Would you consider yourself fickle?

R: No.

TMD: What's your favorite number?

R: Seven.

TMD: What is your favorite constitutional amendment?

R: One.

TMD: Interesting. Do you ever question the integrity of your peers?

R: Yes.

TMD: What's the worst day of the week?

R: Wednesday.

TMD: If you could make up an eighth day of the week, what would it be called?

R: Myday.

TMD: Is that one word?

R: Sure. It is now.

TMD: Do you ever not care about the rest of the week because Friday you are in love?

R: No.

TMD: Besides Blue Cab, what's another cab company in Ann Arbor?

R: Yellow Cab.

TMD: Do you believe in UFOs?

R: No.

TMD: Did you ever want Mulder and Scully to get it on in the "X- Files," just to alleviate all the sexual tension?

R: Well yeah.

TMD: Who do you think would be on top?

(Random takes a suspiciously long pause with which to ponder the intriguing - and titillating - question.)

R: Scully.

TMD: Are you picturing Mulder and Scully having sex right now?

R: Unfortunately so.

TMD: Do you believe that SUVs are inherently evil?

R: No. Well if you are in the middle of a place that doesn't need an SUV, yes.

TMD: Who wrote the Harry Potter series?

R: J.K. Rowling. Or something close to that.

TMD: Who invented the light bulb?

R: Um, Einstein.

TMD: The telephone?

R: It wasn't Bell. I don't know.

TMD: Which country is bigger, Denmark or Sweden?

R: Sweden.

TMD: Are you still thinking of Mulder and Scully?

R: No. Thankfully so.

TMD: What is 12 times 13?

R: Twelve more than 144.

TMD: Who is your favorite Greek god?

R: Aphrodite.

TMD: Okay Vanessa, we're almost done. Now it's time for the final five.

Who wins in a boxing match between Mike Tyson and a kangaroo?

R: Kangaroo.

TMD: Do you believe that in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make?

R: Probably not.

TMD: Do you prefer the expression "making whoopee" or "doing the horizontal bop?"

R: Doing the horizontal bop. Not fond of the word whoopee. Goldberg and everything.

TMD: Nature or Nurture?

R: Nature.

TMD: If you could relive one year out of your life, which one would it be?

R: Last year.

TMD: Alright Vanessa, thanks a lot. Look for this in Thursday's paper.

R: Okay.

TMD: Have a good night.

R: You too.