BY DOUG WERNERT
Daily TV/New Media Editor
Published November 18, 2004
The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Kelly there?
Random: This is Kelly.
TMD: Hi Kelly, I’m calling from the Michigan Daily and you’ve been selected to do this week’s random student interview.
R: Oh great. How long with this take?
TMD: It was take as long as it takes. Shouldn’t you just be willing to do this?
R: All right, fine.
TMD: Here we go, first question: Are you excited for Thanksgiving?
TMD: What are you thankful for?
R: Um … family, friends, I don’t know. Do you want something interesting?
TMD: Yeah, aren’t you thankful for the Daily?
R: Yeah, of course.
TMD: Why are you thankful for the Daily?
R: I don’t know … I don’t really read it, sorry.
TMD: You don’t read the Daily? Do you still want to do this interview?
R: I don’t think you want me to do this interview.
TMD: I think I do want you to do this interview. Do you even know what this is?
TMD: It’s an interview that appears in the Daily so maybe if you read it, you can read yourself doing the interview.
R: OK, well, I’m thankful for dorm food.
R: Because I can eat it?
TMD: Yeah, but then you can be thankful for air, then, so you could breathe.
R: Well, I’m thankful for that, too!
TMD: Are you going to the Thanksgiving Day parade in Detroit?
R: No, but I was in it a couple years ago!
TMD: What did you do?
R: I danced.
TMD: Were you on a float?
R: No, I walked the whole way. Is that the end of the questions?
TMD: Of course not. That wouldn’t have been much of an interview.
R: Well, I have a calculus exam tomorrow so I have to study.
TMD: Well, I understand that, but you wanted to do this interview.
R: I didn’t want to do it! You wanted me to do it!
TMD: But you agreed! What’s the better grade-school make-out game: spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven?
R: Spin the bottle. We never actually did seven minutes in heaven when we were in grade school.
TMD: Why not? Could nobody make out for seven minutes?
R: I guess not. I guess I came from a very innocent town, apparently.
TMD: Or a town that didn’t feel like making out for extended periods of time. Who’s the cooler old guy: the Planter’s peanut guy or the Kentucky Fried Chicken guy?
R: The Kentucky Fried Chicken guy.
TMD: Because he’s the colonel?
R: Basically. Plus, I don’t really know who the Planter’s peanut guy is.
TMD: He’s the guy on the cover of the can.
R: I don’t eat Planter’s that much.
TMD: Do you eat KFC?
R: Yeah, who doesn’t?
TMD: I don’t.
R: Well, you’re really not cool.
TMD: I’m not cool because I don’t eat chicken?
R: Well, I have to study for calculus and you’re making me take this survey.
TMD: It’s not a survey, it’s an interview! Who’s the cooler Fred: Fred Flintstone or Fred Durst?
R: Fred Flintstone. Because of, you know, the vitamins.
TMD: I once OD’d on Fred Flintstone vitamins when I was a little kid. True story.
R: I believe it. That was last week, wasn’t it?
TMD: No … I was 6. What did you want to be when you were a little kid?
R: I wanted to be a doctor.
TMD: Not if you fail calculus.
R: If you don’t let me study, I am.
TMD: All right, we’ll just keep going then. What’s your favorite Disney movie?
R: “Lilo and Stitch,” hands down.”
TMD: I guess that’s pretty good. I’m a fan of “The Lion King” myself.
R: Close second.
TMD: Why didn’t Hakuna Matata become a huge mainstream catch phrase?
R: It did! Our senior class this year voted that as their motto!
TMD: Aren’t they about five years too late on that one?
R: Haha, I don’t know.
TMD: That’s understandable. If you had a choice between a Hakuna Matata shirt and a Buck the Fuckeyes shirt, which one would you get?
R: Hakuna Matata.
TMD: Awww, that’s so nice of you.
R: Well I’m a nice person to be doing this survey.
TMD: It’s an interview! Are you on The Facebook?
R: No, I’m a loser. I should be on it.
TMD: Have you heard about the thing where you can say you’re looking for Random Play?
R: Yes, I have.
TMD: Yeah, aren’t you a little freaked out by it?
R: Yeah, I tell my friends not to ask them to be their friends.
TMD: Ouch. But who doesn’t want a little random play?
R: Haha, not really sure.
TMD: Are you a fan of “The O.C?”
R: No, but my hall is.
TMD: So you’re not on The Facebook and you’re not a fan of “The O.C.”
R: My chemistry group always plans their meetings right when “The O.C.” is on.
TMD: What kind of group is that?
R: I don’t know. They suck! They plan them during “The Bachelor,” too.
TMD: Cool. Do you think old people ever drag race each other?
R: Oh yeah.
TMD: How fast do you think they go? Like 30 miles an hour?
R: I’d say 60 would be a safer estimate.
TMD: That’s how fast I drive normally.
R: But you’re not old.
TMD: Well, not yet.
R: Are you really going to put me in the newspaper?
TMD: I just might.
R: Well, I sound kind of ignorant, don’t I?
TMD: Yeah, but you’re perfect. Go study for your exam.
R: OK, I’ll look for myself in the paper I don’t read.
TMD: Yeah, maybe you should read it this Thursday.