Random agrees the new twenty is fabulous

BY
BY SEAN DAILEY
Daily Arts Writer
Published November 13, 2003

The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Katie there?

Random: No, she’s out right now.

TMD: This is The Michigan Daily. Do you have time to do the
Random Student Interview for Weekend Magazine?

R: Sure.

TMD: If you were a hot dog and you were starving, would
you eat yourself?

R: No.

TMD: What is Chicken of the Sea made of?

R: I don’t know. Some sort of fish?

TMD: Close enough, tuna. What are buffalo wings made
of?

R: Chicken.

TMD: Much better. Do you think Nick and Jessica will last
… at least another season?

R: Yeah.

TMD: How many times can one man save the world in a
24-hour time period?

R: Uh, 24 times?

TMD: Alright. I’ll let Kiefer know his career is
safe. Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?

R: Neither.

TMD: Captain Picard or Professor X?

R: Professor X.

TMD: Magneto or Gandolf?

R: Gandolf.

TMD: “The Matrix” sequels or something that
didn’t suck?

R: I haven’t seen the third one, so I can’t
answer.

TMD: Don’t, it’s terrible. Luke Skywalker or
Han Solo?

R: Luke?

TMD: Apparently, you like whiney guys. Do you think the
“Queer Eye” guys had anything to do with the new $20
bill? I mean, it is pretty fabulous.

R: Yeah, definitely.

TMD: OK, here’s a tougher one. With the intense
jingoism in the wake of 9/11 and our recent endeavor into Iraq, do
you think the United States is in danger of becoming too big of a
hegemon?

R: What do you mean by hegemon?

TMD: I don’t understand it either, let’s keep
going. Puppies or kittens?

R: Kittens.

TMD: Is Vasaline an acceptable substitute for jelly on
toast? I mean, it’s a kind of jelly, right?

R: No, no. Gross.

TMD: How often would you say you shower? Not often, not
often enough, not at all, or not ever?

R: Uh … not often enough I guess,

TMD: Have you ever tried sugar, or PCP?

R: No, wait, no. Wait.

TMD: Just answer the question.

R: No.

TMD: Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain
— better separate or together?

R: Together.

TMD: Yeah, you’re weird. Have you ever tried to get
to the center of a tootsie pop in a recordable number of licks?

R: No.

TMD: Gimme a ballpark estimate.

R: Umm, three before you crunch.

TMD: Fair enough. Ever Googled something so hard your
back hurt the next day?

R: Next question.

TMD: I’ll take that as a “yes.”
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done without ever
telling your roommate? Don’t worry, your name won’t be
on this.

R: Brought boys home? Nothing too scandalous.

TMD: That’s pretty boring. Time for the lightning
round. I say a word and you tell me the first thing that comes to
mind. Ready, Go!

R: (long pause.)

TMD: That’s the word.

R: Oh, stop.

TMD: John Mayer.

R: Good.

TMD: Michael Jackson.

R: Gay.

TMD: Whoa, easy there. Justin Timberlake.

R: Britney Spears.

TMD: Bucket of cuddles.

R: I have no idea.

TMD: Safe.

R: Don’t know.

TMD: We were looking for “sex” on that one.
Chattanooga.

R: Tennessee.

TMD: Lake Titicaca.

R: Weird place.

TMD: Seattle.

R: Washington.

TMD: Name one thing you would change about yourself.

R: Uh, I would be more confident.

TMD: Name one thing you would change about me.

R: Stop asking stupid questions.

TMD: Fair enough. Do you think the campus would read the
Daily more if it were just 10 pages of crosswords?

R: No, no way.

TMD: Whatever happened to Michael Bolton? That’s
not rhetorical, I heard you knew something.

R: I don’t know. The last I heard about him was in
“Office Space.”

TMD: Yeah, he’s a no-talent ass clown. What’s
the last song you had stuck in your head?

R: Some song by Blessed Union.

TMD: Did I just manage to get it back in your head?

R: Yeah, good job.

TMD: Thanks. Trucker hats: still cool, or did Ashton
Kutcher ruin that, like he does with everything?

R: He doesn’t ruin anything, he’s so hot!

TMD: Right. No seriously, if you were a hot dog and you
were starving, would you eat yourself?

R: No, I really wouldn’t.

TMD: Fine. It’s well past the year 2000. When do
you think we’re gonna get flying cars, pills that contain an
entire meal and those really cool silver outfits?

R: I don’t know about the silver outfits, but the
rest of that stuff will never happen.

TMD: I guess we’ll have to wait another thousand
years. Do you know where I left my keys, perchance? I’ve been
locked out of my house for days and I think my cat is really
starting to get pissed off.

R: I don’t know, did you check the freezer?

TMD: Naw, I stopped putting them there. I hate freezer
burn. One last thing. Someone told me they saw you eating under
there. Any truth to that rumor?

R: I’m not going to answer that.

TMD: C’mon, say you were eating underwear!

R: No way.

TMD: Fine. Thanks for your time. Make sure to check
Weekend Magazine.

R: You too.

TMD: Seeing as I’m writing it, I definitely
will.