I hate salad. Should I be more coy about that? Probably. But in the interest of journalistic integrity, it’s important that you have all the facts. To me, salad is the depressing pile of leaves you have to eat when your friend invites you over for dinner because it would be rude not to. It’s what you order when you go out to lunch with your mom so she’ll think that you’re a functioning human adult. It’s the universe’s sad, bitter yin to cake’s delicious yang.