Monday, February 4, 2019 - 5:04pm

My birthday was on Feb. 1st and if the first 22 years of my life were any indication, this is a mostly awful date for anything celebratory. Growing up, my only birthday tradition was a long-distance phone call with each set of grandparents as they sipped on palomas in Mexico, having escaped the miserable Chicago cold that had so brutally forced everyone else inside.

Monday, January 21, 2019 - 1:54pm

I think I was in third grade when my mom received a call from the mother of one of my friends. This particular mom sounded nervous. “Do you think there’s any chance Joey might have, um, introduced Nick to ‘YouTube’?” 

“Well, that was certainly possible,” my mom replied. “Joey laughed a lot at those online videos, after all, and had even showed his sister some of his favorites. No issues there.”

Sunday, December 2, 2018 - 3:55pm
Joey Schuman

We don’t know much about anything at this stage of existence, so taking unfamiliar risks only makes sense.

Sunday, November 18, 2018 - 8:35pm

Nursing a hangover when you’re not a super young person feels like eating soup with a fork, except the soup is definitely of a Matzah Ball variety, injecting its rocket-high salt content into the frayed and dehydrated shell of human that’s somehow still in there somewhere.

Monday, November 5, 2018 - 5:41pm
Joey Schuman

Internet therapy is free.

Monday, October 22, 2018 - 5:25pm
Joey Schuman

It’s something I do often, and it’s something I think you should do too: listen to your mom’s music every once in a while.

Monday, October 8, 2018 - 6:59pm
Health and Wellness Column

To better your life, smoke a cigarette every once in a while.

Monday, September 24, 2018 - 4:54pm
Kevin Garnett

Hold your own dunk contest, participated in by you, judged by you, and announced by you.

Monday, September 10, 2018 - 5:47pm
Health and Wellness Column

I don’t quite know what self-care means and I can’t pretend to know how to nurture myself or, more importantly, improve the well-being of others. I do know, however, when I need to slow things down while everything else goes blurring by.

Sunday, December 10, 2017 - 5:24pm

Uzi, an emo cloud rap rockstar, and Minaj, a glamorous wrecking ball of bars.