Welcome to The Michigan Daily humor column for the 2020-21 school year. This column will often rotate in content, but not theme. Between featuring short comedic prose to critiquing comedy as it appears in the zeitgeist, this bi-weekly feature will give insight into the best ways to tickle your funny bone. Or your humerus. Or your femur.

Admittedly, it’s a weird time to analyze humor, especially from an arts perspective, because we are currently living a timeline from hell where satire has effectively died. Over the past year, we’ve seen just how quickly our own minds can turn on themselves in the face of a neverending apocalypse. Here are some examples of how your brain might’ve lied to itself since March:

“The Coronavirus doesn’t seem like a big deal.”

“Michigan probably won’t go online.”

“Michigan probably won’t go online for THAT long.”

“I’ll just ride this whole thing out by watching some NBA games.”

“I can probably live alone in Ann Arbor until winter semester ends.”

“I heard you should only wear a mask if you’re sick.”

“I have no problem wearing a mask all the time.”

“Boy, this is rock bottom for the president.”

“As much as I want to get out of the house, I don’t think I’ll need to go to the grocery store every day.”

“This will all be over by June.”

“I’ve never been annoyed with my family.”

“Now is the time to learn how to juggle.”

“Now is the time to start working out more.”

“Now is the time to write that screenplay.”

“My study abroad hasn’t been canceled yet — maybe I can still go? Prague doesn’t even have that many cases.”

“This new documentary called Tiger King looks decent.”

“Andrew Cuomo seems like a pretty cool dude.”

“Boy, this is rock bottom for the president.”

“Let me just log into Handshake real quick. I’m sure there’s a remote internship out there.”

“Minimum wage sounds great!”

“It’s totally rational to pay out-of-state tuition for an online class.”

“Scrolling through TikTok won’t eat up my whole afternoon”

“Gee, I can’t wait to see the Wolverines play in the Big House once this is over!”

“I don’t think many people will want to party once we get back.”

“It’ll probably be pretty easy to go on dates once school starts”

“I bet the university will have pretty thorough plans to test its students.”

“Joe Biden has this election in the bag.”

“I can’t believe he’s saying the mail-in votes were fraudulent.”

“I can’t believe he’s rallying the support of all the gun nuts.”

“I can’t believe he accidentally dropped his ice cream cone on the nuclear launch button.”

“I STILL can’t believe people paid $30 to watch the new Mulan on top of paying a Disney+ subscription.”

“Normalize the mole people taking over the world.”

“Boy, this is rock bottom for the Mole King.”

“The labor camps actually sound pretty nice. I heard the mole people are cool guys once you can tolerate the smell.”

“The only way to fix this situation is by voting.”

“Our new Alien overlords could be merciful.”

“I can’t believe we’re only 1/8th of the way through the coronavirus.”

Maxwell Barnes is an LSA senior studying Communication and Media; he considers himself a “Glass Half Full” kind of guy. He can be reached at mxwell@umich.edu.


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