People do not watch Lifetime because they want a wholesome, amiable, artistic television experience. They watch Lifetime for the same reason people watch hockey: Sure, it’s entertaining, but there’s always the possibility that someone’s going to throw hands and lose some teeth. Of course, everyone has their own vice of choice. On April 4, America gets another choice.
“Little Women: LA” returns for its eighth season. Yes, somehow, humanity has endured eight years of this. Yet its return promises something a little different. Lifetime has graciously gifted audiences with trailers and previews of what kind of theatrics the new season will have when it premieres on Thursday. The preview treated audiences to a sneak peek of the storylines the eighth season will focus on, and if the preview is any indication, these storylines seem more focused on the growth of their stars than in previous seasons. For Tonya Banks, this growth means focusing more on her acting career. “Growth” for Christy Gibel is actually about losing, as she focuses on losing weight, as well as on creating a line of vintage-style lingerie. Meanwhile, Elena Gant will be embarking on releasing both a makeup line and a children’s book. Terra Jole intends to launch some kind of retreat marketed at little people. So, all in all, it seems like the ladies are only progressing.
To reiterate my first point, people don’t watch reality television for the wholesome vibes. “Little Women: LA” has spent the past eight years crafting a reputation for itself as something so bad and disturbing (but also hilarious) that you cannot take your eyes off of it. It is not a guilty pleasure show like “The Bachelor” or “90 Day Fiance,” which have gained infamy for humiliating its stars. No, “Little Women: LA” is in the same vein as “Dance Moms.” It’s terrible, terrifying and an indulgence. Basically, it’s a Twinkie. You don’t know what it’s made of, it’s kind of gross, but it’s also too good to pass up.
That being said, only one person gets pushed into a pool in the trailer for the eighth season. Which I’m fine with, but there is far too much mirth and happiness in these roller-skating and dancing scenes — I need more people being pushed into pools.
For the first six seasons, the show had Briana Renee to rely on for drama. For those out there unaware, Briana was married to this fella named Matt Grundhoffer who had both the personality and intelligence of a sack of rocks. He was also a perpetual cheater. So, at least once a season, you’d have a big episode about how sad Briana was with Matt, who would then apologize in a dismissive way (there’s a special on them that recaps all of their best (worst?) moments, if you’re interested). But, Briana left the show and Matt’s been accused of sexual assault, so it will be interesting to see where the drama of the show is headed now that it is up to the remaining members of the cast to deliver.
Lifetime is either really great at prolonging suspense or the eighth season isn’t going to deliver on the goods. Of course, it’s always possible that I’m the worst kind of person, given I’m biased to the fights, but still. I feel that “Little Women: LA” could take tips from “Little Women: Dallas,” on drama, given that the latter featured an incredible brawl in a bar. But as it stands now, “Little Women: LA”’s eighth season looks like it’ll have a little for everyone, even if it skimps a bit on the brawls.