Baked
You know the only better way to smoke other than hot-boxing your car? Hot-boxing someone else’s car while they drive you. (bonus points if it is to the cider mill). Idk what I’m more excited about, doughnuts (donuts????) or nature! Nature is just like meh sober but high its like ahhhhhh I am one with the earth. It’s stereotypical but u feel that shit when you’re high. Maybe I would like yard work more if I hot-boxed the garden shed before hand? *mental note to ask mom about this possibility* we can bond. DOG. not a drill. Its ears so so soft. This is the best day of the semester. (god backwards = dog fyi.) I’m V sad that we aren’t picking apples off trees instead they are in bins. This is bullshit. OK Caroline is taking way too long in this apple section I’m heading to the real attraction donuts.
— Daily Arts Writer
Buzzed
Don’t really remember the car ride here, its fine. BUT I DO remember going to the cider mill when I was a hot shit middle schooler and thinking it was cool AF to go somewhere so autumnal with all my besties. We looked so #fresh in our UGG boots. Nothing much has changed tbh. Idk how people like walk around these places looking at the produce and various products, they are deluding themselves — IT IS ALL ABOUT THE CIDER AND/OR DOUGHNUTS (donuts?) So obviously my fellow arts babies and I charge the cider line … I hope no one can see this flask in my pants…I’m just trying to make my cider a little more “fun” if you know what I mean. (I’m trying to be more drunk, in case you didn’t get it.) I even brought some festive fireball a la Pitbull’s suggestion to put some kick in mah drank. Also: dogs. Dogs everywhere. You know what makes anything better? Dogs. You know what makes dogs even better? Being drunk. Ily cider, ily dogs, ily daily.
— Daily Arts Writer
Bored
Suddenly I’ve aged 20 years and I’m now a soccer mom to two delinquents (Buzzed and Baked). But alas, the destination isn’t the field on which my future spawn will make a name for themselves, but rather the local cider mill that’s not quite that local when iPhone maps leads you astray (high key that even sounds like a WASP-y mom 20 years my senior). I was hoping for an autumnal-themed day of fun, friends and refined carbs, and I guess that’s what I got, but alas, let me break it down. After a rousing drive with my two compadres, we exited my now reeking vehicle thanks to Mr. Baked. Buzzed needed some assistance descending from the height of my SUV, and as soon as she did she spotted a spotted dog (haha!). I’m unsure if Buzzed will remember that nearly her entire autumnal excursion was spent petting #SpottedDog and reminding Baked and I that ‘dog’ spelled backwards is ‘god’ so for all we know #SpottedDog is our creator. I then took a literal two minutes to peruse the apple selection and various #ArtisanalJams which I now know Buzzed found to be me ‘deluding myself’, and during this literal two minutes we lost Baked. Baked was later found face deep in a bag of donuts. Buzzed was #TooTurnt to join me in the donut line, so I never got my donuts. I didn’t even get cider. All I got was a glimpse of a soccer mom life I don’t want. What a time to be alive!
— Caroline Filips