Getting smashed and jamming out to "Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again"

The writers of The Michigan Daily do it all. On top of being college students with full course loads, they roll up their sleeves to consume media and write. For the entertainment of our loyal readership — and to celebrate a holiday one editor has deemed Musical March — The Michigan Daily has revitalized and revamped “Baked, Buzzed, Bored.” For the sake of journalism, three or more writers sacrifice their health and 3+ hours of their life to watch a TV show or film while either high (“baked”), drunk (“buzzed”) or sober (“bored”). This article was lightly edited to maintain the authenticity of the piece.

Baked 1

Yassification of Leonard Cohen
Bored 1 is very skeptical of this being a better movie than Mamma Mia Originale.
We are all gonna have so much fun the Boreds are wrong.
Meryl Streep died. We are in the bad place.
Lily James killing it as Donna Sheridan.
Buzzed 1 is singing along and I am shy and don’t want to say I barely know ABBA.
I want a flash mob at commencement like we bike away as a class, piss off the professors.
Fjallraven but fake, faux, Chicitita
Mom dies a year ago. Sky is a bitch
Lamp.
Just two women fighting over a guy. Let’s Mamma this Mia.
Young Harry is such a non-entity like he doesn’t even deserve to be played by someone in fleabag
I know they try to get his hair like that face it doesn’t work with it he’s got a really big for him.
She’s Oxford educated.
We love a Waterloo here. Giving us Wes Anderson vibes.
Pierce Brosnan is just the weight that carries this film down into the deep dark depths of hell.
Why’d it Have to be Me truly a legend.
He’s just Alexio. Not rich. Take a chance on me.
I feel a storm is coming. With my Spanish telepathy.
Lily James the Conquerer of the ages
Tim irons Jeremy irons son.
This man is going all out. It’s commendable
Two paths in the road a winter diverges — me failing to quote Robert Frost
Baked 2 denoting what is there’s specifically with books.
It’s like Emily Blunt’s face but minimized.
Colin Firth suddenly remembers he’s in this movie and blows a MASSIVE deal? But like why he was in Japan.
Chubby Stellan Skarsgård did too.
Baked 2 is trying to give people a TBH?
Biceps don’t fit in the costumes.
Buzzed 1 is trying to dance along to Mamma Mia and isn’t doing a bad job.
That was queerbaiting. Lily James kissing a girl
“I’ve called the whole of this Greek town by my singing in English.” Yes very nice.
A conspiracy to exploit the sexuality of men. And agreed.
High kick choreography is next level.
But like someone should really talk about how dance just sometimes mean “how can we have them safely and boringly interact with the set in some stupid way.
Do oysters always pearl?
This is like meta overfishing commentary and Greek exonomics and why.
Why does Amanda Seyfried not have friends?
The color palette of this island is just teal and it’s really bothersome.
Mom and daughter pregnant at the same time but in past and future cause theme’s.
THAT NOISE
*knock knock* it’s Cher. With guns.
Spectators are singing Benny’s Dispatch from In the Heights.
Cher kinda looks younger than Amanda Seyfried.
Baked 2 is crying for some reason that I cannot fathom.
THE FERNANDO TWIST so Cher sings. It’s brilliant it’s ballsy. It’s unforgettable.
The gayness in this house as everyone sings Fernando word for fuckin word.
Look at how goddamn close the fireworks are to the human people who would be burned.
Buzzed 1 just spoiled the Meryl Streep moment and they feel bad.
Baked 2 is actually crying because “the song is about mothers and daughters” when it’s clearly about Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried.
RITa Wilson and TOM HANKS PRODUCED THIS. Super Trooper.

Baked 2

She’s giving Lena Dunham
Suitcase is too small!
FUCK Sky.
Be still my beating *omg!!!!*
He has skinny, skinny little legs!
I hoped to be loved like this one day.
I love you with all my heartness.
Going to have my Donna era this summer. Ready to open my heart to love.
What would you do for the person you love?
The great poet Rainer Maria Rilke envisioned love as “two solitudes bordering, protecting and greeting each other.” Maybe, in Donna’s world, love exists in groups of four. Baked 1 is going to pee. Which man would you pick? I love Harry.
Remember to pick yourself first, though. Always.
Every day your heart wakes up for you, and as it does you hear its steady whisper against your ribs, thump, thump, thump. I’m here, my heart is beating and that’s all there is to it.
Sometimes I can’t believe the immensity of violence on our planet. In this film, Mother Nature is the perpetrator. I pray to god those horses, those wild animals, and all of those people are okay.
Animals, by Frank O’Hara:
Have you forgotten what we were like then
When we were still first rate
And the day came fat with an apple in its mouth
It’s no use worrying about Time
But we did have a few tricks up our sleeves
And turned some sharp corners
The whole pasture looked like our meal.
We didn’t need speedometers
We could manage cocktails out of ice and water
I wouldn’t want to be faster
Or greener than now if you were with me O you
Were the best of all my days
I think it’s time we finally enter reality and accept that it is impossible to be known by someone else.
Baked 1 undermined me and illegitimized my emotional truth. Twitter, do your thing.
I cannot wait to be a mother.
“I don’t want to sing about love if I’m not feeling it.” I desire honesty above all else. I’ll be proud of any life of mine that was lived honestly.
“I love him more than any argument.” Interesting, the ways we wind ourselves around others, and do whatever we can to adapt once we’re planted.
Oh, Colin. How I long to be your Lizzie. How I long to be loved by you.
Buzzed 1 would have been a great Bojack Horseman voice actor
Insert link to Frank O’Hara reading “Having a Coke With You” here
It feels like I’m in a mumblecore film right now. Something like Funny, Ha Ha. I’m so young and there are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to give.
Did Baked 1 just reveal that they’re a furry?!
We live to preserve the memories of the people we love. I can’t think of a better reason to live.
Discussion of the Italian word for goodbye. “Ciao.” Note to self: watch Cinema Paradiso again soon.
The embodiment of camp.

Baked 3

i hate that they killed meryl streep. who tf says AU GUST like that. young meryl is so self centered thinking everyone wants to hear it. i hate that they gave the friends the same hair cut. Man wants woman to give up career and family ties. Man told rosie shes wise like a flamingo but ik for a fact flamingoes are stupid at the zoo they take their eggs and replace them with fakes so they dont sit on their own eggs and they dont even notice. baguette sword fight THINK OF THE CRUMBS. tokenizing disavled ppl to prove ur inclusive is so fucke dup. Pierce Prosnan looks much older thwn i thought he would. They flashback to young Donna meeting each of the men anf they each instantly want jer to sleep with him anf we know she ultimately does because its a flashback but imagine how much powerful it would be to jave a woman say no to sex rather than sending the message she always will give in so if she says no you just have to keep tryong. this is a film about grief????? i was not prepared. i thought the deal was “hey were mentioning this so you know why meryl isnt featured in the movie” really feeling that i want a tattoo rn. when will the world progress past tje trope of “the side character friend who eats a lot” i hate when they pretend tjat perfectly attractive characters arent hot. “we do more and more work for less and less pay” so true bestie. no plot but what can u expect. felt like i was being slapped in th face by cameo after cameo but i didnt enjoy it. i hate birth scenes on tv so much. didnt give me the good feeling u get watcjing a musical until the very end but better late than never

Buzzed 1

I am trying to work the TV. Thank you Bored 1 for figuring it out for me. It’s loading now — NOT buffering. Lily James (“The Pursuit of Happiness” which didn’t do that well I don’t think) is so hot I’m so excited. Weeeee!! Amanda (idk what she was in recently) also hot!!! Yayyyy!!! I know it makes sense but why did they kill Meryl!!! I love Lily’s hair. So did they organize a flash mob for the opening song??? No way did this entire graduating class agree to this. My bike has a woven basket like Lily’s and my mom wants it. But it’s mine!!!!!!!
There’s no way her suitcase just happens to open and spill out like that. I see right through it.
I don’t think Sky is hot he is the weak link there’s no way Amanda is so upset about him???? (Side note: how did Amanda get enough money to redo the hotel? Wasn’t her mother singing about being broke in the first movie?) Why am I not more fun drunk why am I being critical about this. WILL I EVER ENJOY LIFE!
Okay when Sky and Amanda are singing about being sad there are very memorable transitions that move from NY and Greece. But the one that keeps me up at night is when they are back to back on a wall, but then the camera pans out, and Amanda is in an enclosed room. HOW was that filmed?? How
Flamingos are stupid???
Young harry is really clingy and his clothes are too small. He is the worst if the three. If a mediocre man embarrassed me like this in a restaurant full of French people I would combust on the spot.
The security guy who stamps their something to get on the ferry is a main character. The boat dance scene is the peak of this film (not including Cher). Alexio is another main character.
You know how some people are physic? I wish I was. Or at least had premonitions about the weather like Fernando (or Amanda in “Mean Girls”! What range she has).
Horsie
The director knew what they were doing with this “Andante” scene………………ahwiejsjjskwdjjekwhsjwnsnd
I too would change all my life plans to stay in Greece with Lily James.
I wish there was an orange farm (orchard?) in Ann Arbor!!! Imagine picking oranges. orange skirt!!!! Yayyyy Sam leaves now!!! She deserved better anyway #YoungBillSuperiority
This is a skirt movie!!! I like skirts
This ice is country crunchy. I spilled #embarrasing!!
Swimming in Jean shorts?? Why
These subtitles use two apostrophes instead of one. Angry
Colin Firth
Where did my thoughts go??? I am excited to do Wordle tomorrow morning
We are all the dancing queens of our lives
I am sick of my bangs
I heard bored #1 giggle. Justice
Seeing Cher live in concert was the highlight of my life
How many times am I blinking
Cher had so many costume changes at her concert. I think about that whenever I climb a staircase and am out of breath
Oh Amanda

Buzzed 2

Buzzed 1 made everyone enchiladas like the saint they are
Bored 1 is not willing to give this movie a fair shake. She’ll change her mind
Baked 2 is trying to stop me from singing. To MAMMA FUCKING MIA. Not happening
LILY JAMESSSSSS
queerbaiting in when i kissed the teacher but can forgive. this song is so good
love that amanda seyfried toned down the vibrato for this movie
“be still, my beating vagina” is possibly the best line ever written for the screen
mr sir. from fleabag
“he makes me sad” – spectator 1, while pierce brosnan is singing
i have a dream best song ever written perhaps???
there is a debate about the love interests going on. young bill is CLEARLY the best one
i have written far less than everyone and it’s bc i’m simply so captivated by this film
RIPPPPP DONNAAAAAA
the others are quoting poets rn. idk any poems off the top of my head except gabbie hanna poems
choreo goes so much harder in this movie than the last men
christine baranski.
this is the most incredible cable knit sweater i’ve ever heard. chris evans in knives out WHO
true eskimo bros hug
EVERYBODY SHUT UP ITS CHER
FERNANDO LETS RUCKING GOOOOOO FUCK YES
this is such a good fucking movie idk what anyone else writing here says. literally one of the most incredible pieces of cinema i’ve ever seen.

Bored 1

Many people already know about my general dislike for the original “Mamma Mia” movie, although dislike is not the right word, it’s more like general disappointment because I really struggle to listen to a bunch of A-list actors ruin ABBA songs that I hold near and dear to my heart. (Except for Amanda Seyfried. Keep doing your thing, Amanda.)
So anyway I’m going into this with low expectations.
People are insisting that this movie is the better Mamma Mia and I’m skeptical about all of it.
Buzzed 1 says that if I don’t have fun they’re going to jump off a roof. It’s a little extreme.
The acapella “Thank You For the Music” is too much already.
WHY ARE THEY PRETENDING MERYL STREEP IS DEAD
Bored 2 and I are on the same wavelength I think.
I’m going to be honest I sincerely don’t think Donna would be an academically successful student.
I’m so uncomfortable
Buzzed 2 is right, not the queer baiting in “When I Kissed the Teacher”
One of my biggest problems with the first Mamma Mia movie was that the songs felt super unnatural in context and so far this movie is worse.
Baked 1 is right, at least this one is actually filmed like a movie.
Why is “Chiquitita” the musical motif to represent the Dynamos’ friendship that’s so embarrassing
I do love “One of Us” though, but it’s upsetting that we have to lose hot Sky to do it…also the staging is far too literal
(Is it mean of me to say that they look old)
I’m already hitting the point where I think I’d rather just listen to ABBA than watch this movie
I love Christine Baranski but I cannot forgive “Be still my beating vagina”
Lily James’s accent is a little…hm
Why does young Harry’s leather jacket look like it’s 3 sizes too small…did they run out of their costume budget buying boots and making 70s go-go outfits
They’re ruining “Waterloo”
Baked 1 is cancelled
There should be a trigger warning before the movie: “Content warning: Pierce Brosnan singing”
Young Bill’s pants are too short and I’m now convinced of a conspiracy by the costume designer to give Harry, Bill, and Sam clothes that don’t fit them.
“I fear a storm is coming” I mean come on
Lily James is a good singer I’ll give her that even if her accent is ROUGH at times
This storm is simply upsetting, why are they doing this
Consensus: Young Sam looks like a combination of Taylor Lautner in New Moon + Tom Brady but like he’s trying to be a cowboy
Baked 2 is quoting poetry in their segment and it’s…wow
The lens flares here are a choice
Donna would dance in an orange grove with a bright orange skirt
The transitions into the songs are awful
Young Sam’s clothes fit him but he has too many buttons open so my costume designer conspiracy stands
Why does Young Rosie’s shirt look like the new Strokes album cover
Ah yes the slow acapella intro to this movie’s rendition of Mamma Mia
I appreciate the use of “Angeleyes” though
The choreography is a bit much but them pausing between “ah-ha-ha”s to remind Sophie that men suck was frankly worse
I agree with Buzzed 1 that the ferry ticket man is sneakily the best character, I would love a movie that focused solely on him
I too wonder if my true soulmate is carbs
With respect what the hell is Amanda Seyfried wearing
God this is cheesy…and very dumb…and very irrelevant…I’m all for “Dancing Queen” but this is too much
What happened to Sophie’s friends from the first movie…like her only friends are her mom’s friends and her three maybe-dads
The slow-mo and the lens flare while she kisses Sky is too much…also Sophie please take off your poncho
“Your ears are cloth” — the landlady person has had the best lines in the movie
Baked 1 thinks that the character they’re most like is the horse, I have no comments that’s kind of wholesome
Not the helicopter
Not Sophie calling specific attention to the sound
Not the single silver open-toed heel stepping out of the helicopter
Because it’s time for Cher
She’s wearing a blonde wig and white power suit and speaking French
Even the way she does air quotes is pretty cool
Wondering if this island has a law stating that all pants must be flared
I didn’t want “Fernando” to happen like this, THIS WAS THE THING THAT HAPPENED AS PART OF THE THROWAWAY MENTION OF HER GRANDMA’S HEART GETTING BROKEN IN CENTRAL AMERICA??
This scene is also victim of awkward staging (Bored 2 is UPSET) but Cher is indeed pretty fabulous
These fireworks are CONCERNING
HOW did Fernando end up in Greece?
Buzzed 1 just spoiled everything
Confused about *REDACTED*’s appearance here but the song was nice I guess
Buzzed 2 says this is the best scene (Cher singing “Super Trooper”!) and frankly I’m inclined to agree
Final thoughts: It was a mediocre but fun enough movie…but to be honest I think I’d rather just listen to all of ABBA’s discography again

Bored 2

Most of my experience with the MMCU (Mamma Mia Cinematic Universe) was captured via osmosis from my sister and my mother. However, instead of sharing their wicked glee at the absurdity of it, I felt a large cynicism at the vapid song-and-dance of it all. So many prominent actors cashing in on a story that was somehow too ridiculous to be a simple romcom. And then they decided to make a sequel. Well, here it goes I guess.
Ten years later, we start out with Amanda Seyfried a capella. Treating Meryl Streep as if she has died is a good touch. The choreography for an impromptu sing-along at a graduation ceremony is unreasonable in tune. “The law of geometry” might be the worst lyric I’ve heard in a musical. They decide to all pack one suitcase together and I’m bothered. I see a problem in the future arising where they continue to portray the ABBA lyrics in a literal sense.
The male counterpart doesn’t know how to look good while singing. Who knew that Greece could look so good when it’s not either burning or buried in debt? Not a single character in this movie would make sense in a leather jacket, young Harry least of all. I’m trying to figure out who’s Napoleon and who’s Cromwell in this relationship.
The cinematographer clearly loves Wes Anderson.
Pierce Brosnan is about to sing, quaking in my boots.
Boat guy arrives and he is very Scandinavian.
Adrien Brody showed up in a tiny dinghy and I’m not sure if part of me thinks that most coastal Mediterranean people look like Adrien Brody.
It’s physically impossible that Donna didn’t get an insane amount of splinters in her thighs sliding down that staircase. John Carter is the third love interest.
Since everyone wants to quote poetry I’ll add my own.
Lines on the Antiquity of Microbes (Fleas)
Adam
Had’em
Strickland Gillilan
I’m getting caught in the vicious cycle of getting bored and wishing for a song to come up and then immediately regretting that wish once the songs come around.
I just realized these 3 men basically just own a time share on Donna’s daughter.
I had to inform Buzzed 2 that Bill Nye played Upton Sinclair in Mank.
“It’s called karma and it’s pronounced ‘ha!’” Is the best line so far and it’s made by a character that shows up once.
“Dancing Queen” boat scene is the most unnecessary thing ever.
HELICOPTER CHER SCENE
Fernando is making Cher walk towards him and I don’t appreciate it.
The excessive amount of fireworks certainly started the Greece fires.
This movie would have been less ridiculous if they just said that Cher was actually her grandmother.
In conclusion, the movie is stupid but I did laugh at how stupid it was.

Baked Buzzed Bored: ‘Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again’