Baked

Wow ok here we go wow this is the woman who hangs on my bedroom door in poster form. This is the woman whose “on the run tour” made my cry as my 17  year old self felt the shock waves of her voice. This is the woman who has pumped me up for every workout but has also caught my tears for every breakup.  This is Beyoncé.

My god this cinemotography.
“Prayin to catch me”

“Where do you go when you go quiet” holy shit I’m already dead and this started 2 minutes ago.

She’s hitting me with her
fuck I forgot what I was gonna say. This demon in my mind just asked if this video was overrated. God damn.

Oh I remember! DudeShe’s hitting me with poetry !! Pure poetry!!

Beyoncé almost plummeted to her death my heart just fell from my body.

This FUCKING WATER SCENE YO HOLY MOLDY

My jaw just dropped all this water came rushing out of this building during “hold up” it’s a Beyoncé tsunami!! Slant rhyme!

Why god is she so so cute. Beyoncé is cuter than my dog. (Sorry Wesley)

I truly believe Beyoncé has the power of life and death.

We are transitioning people!! Anger has begun. THESE WORDS ARE SO DISTURBJNG I CAN FEEL IT IN MY NOSE. I am actually kind of scared. THE BRAIDS YES.

I can’t wait until Blue Ivy is old enough to watch this god damn will she be proud. B is  the leader of this female mob and wow I have no idea where we are or what we are doing but I most genuinely feel like I have been initiated into the mob.

Wait do we know how Jay-Z feels about this album?? does he finally feel bad for what he did? Or like ??

Anger to apathy ahhhhhh Is that  SERENA WILLIAMS ?? they look like they are in the same house as AHS Coven setting.

She looks like a TWITCHING ZOMBIE. Pizza is on it’s way but I missed two songs !! Yikes! Damn “Daddy’s Lessons” love this song but the host of this apartment does not.
Whoa the cup I’m drinking out of has lemons on it like how fucking convenient.

Ok well now we are disrespecting B by talking get about Eminem. Ugh “sand castles” I feel tears coming on but my cotton mouth is too bad it’s drying up my tears. Wow props to Jay Z for being in this video and knowing that he is a DAMN CHEATER. IN THE PUBLIC EYE.

I’m dead on “Freedom.” I think this is it here I go catch me now

Wait pd (post death) the evolution of her hairrrr though

Daily Arts Writer

 

Buzzed

“I tried to make a home out of you but doors lead to trap doors” MY HEART. These words hurt enough when they’re not spoken by the soft voice of Beyoncé. Baked is giggling at her laughter at her own tears. I’m just waiting for “hold up” to come on so I can break it the fuck down. It’s on, Someone get me a bat. I hope if I ever go on a rampage my breasts look 1/15 as good as beys do here. Why does the cinematography in this sometimes remind me of Harry Potter, avadaka kadavra jay z. The outfit in “don’t hurt yourself” is everything I want to be in this life. (Minus the real fur, sorry bey, #meatismurder #morrissey) LOVE GOD HERSELF. “If Beyoncé doesn’t have suck his balls neither do I,” bored, quote of the century. This album makes me want someone to cheat on me. Baked doesn’t have a venmo. Is she Amish? A fourth party just reminded me about the fact that Eminem is “the skid mark on the underwear of America.” True. Beyoncé and I have the same Nina Simone record. I can die now, I am Beyoncé always. If you can listen to “Forward” without shedding a tear you are truly heartless. Goosebumps. I’m so emo. “Formation” is one of the most important things to come out of the last decade. Fight me. Replenish my wine.

Daily Arts Writer

Bored
Who let Sober Christian™ into this party? Oh wait. It’s his apartment. Doors lead to trap doors. BAKED IS LAUGHING AT “Pray You Catch Me.” Juxtaposition of the cornfield and the sleek black hoodie with zipper accents — never noticed before. Woman out here literally walking through water in a Roberto Cavalli gown. Is the baseball bat also designer? Bang bang! Mood: Calling yourself the “baddest woman in the game” and receiving no objection from the entire rest of the world. Baked chimed in with a brief harmony; pretty sure she is responsible for the glass onscreen breaking just now. Beyoncé driving over every parked car in a monster truck is my mom when she comes to visit Ann Arbor. Beyoncé yelling is so hot. Only person who can make the word ‘pussy’ sound eloquent. Waiting in thorough anticipation of Serena Williams’ scene. Bang bang!!! She here! Great remark from Christian: “If I saw Serena and Beyoncé next to each other I’d be equally in awe of both of them.” Baked just called a house in northern Michigan a “mountain house.” Excuse you, out-of-state student. “She too smart to crave material things,” but they don’t hurt, am I right, custom Cavalli gown? Every scene with water is so beautiful. Now I am borderline crying because police brutality has taken so many. The mother who hastily shakes her head no as she holds up a picture of her murdered son. America is not fair. Beyoncé is speaking to the metaphor of lemonade and the room is quiet. “Every single costume in ‘Formation’ needs to be in a museum.” YES CHRISTIAN.

—Tess Garcia

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