The writers of The Michigan Daily do it all. On top of being college students with full course loads, they roll up their sleeves to consume media and write. For the entertainment of our loyal readership — and to celebrate a holiday one editor has deemed Musical March — The Michigan Daily has revitalized and revamped “Baked, Buzzed, Bored.” For the sake of journalism, three or more writers sacrifice their health and 3+ hours of their life to watch a TV show or Film while either high (“baked”), drunk (“buzzed”) or sober (“bored”). This article was lightly edited to maintain the authenticity of the piece.
Baked A
Spit noises to start the night.
Already singing. Do they do homecoming king and queen in college?
Feminism in the movie. Sorority girls don’t have feminism yet.
Courtney take your break.
“I like Mayo, but this Mayo?” – Review of a 7-Eleven sandwich.
That was a majorly intense kiss. Perfect for MTV. Jaws were moving
It’s possible to be WASP hot.
This bisexual lighting is giving Warner breaking up with Elle some homosexual vibes.
“What’s the word for scissoring but like not scissoring?”
Dancing in What you want? Great. Very disco. Upbeat. Let’s go Elle study girl.
Let’s JAMAICAN BEER BASH EXTREEEEEMEME.
The lin Manuel mix part potter patter works.
Marching band dancing always great. Upbeat.
Going on for a bit though.
Ethnic movement joke a bit less funny than expecting a Harvard professor to expect love.
Emett working it in garbage bag ass suit.
#startbringinganimalstothenewsroom almost weong analmas.
Callaghan is not Victor Garber
Michael Rupert looking ready to be in American Psycho.
Why would anyone make fun of a lesbian? Don’t you have better things to do?
This show is so broadway.
That was too sincere I don’t like it
Anna Leigh Ashford putting in the most. A true star
It’s a dance number. An iconic one according to Buzzed A.
“I’m gonna tell you, most theater girls are at least a little bisexual.” – Buzzed A
Irish = Whale noises. Gotta remember this for my future
Most irish woman in Boston, a town full Irish people, just happened to be a blonde cosmetologist.
It’s Gouda or grayer or mozzarella cause it’s cheesy as shit!!
Trying to link before the din
“All broadway men look the same” – Buzzed B
Had a deja vu moment but it didn’t actually happen so is that a deja boo?
Singin Chip now and you can’t stop me.
What’s pink? Hello kitty?
Elles room is really weirdly w shaped
Very pronounced hip thrust on “let’s dance”
SO MYCH BETTER
“Has anyone ever had a crush on a professor?”
Elle calling on the cell. The Telly the cellular.
The house goes electric for jump rope song
They cheered at the MTV product placement damn
Youre hardcore. Delta new sister liposuction.
Where is Vivians eyebrows. Also calling her a Marilyn is just mean.
“Left is my favorite direction.” – Baked B
Take it like a man. Bu gendered and sexist and L and ratio
Andy Karl in the tight dick pair of shorts. Like all UPS men
We will not be doing a bend and snap. They’re not hot.
Anna Leigh Ashford continuing to kill it. Cheerleaders scare us all Paulette.
These claps are soft it’s not working for me to bend and snap
The gay boys wicked stunning to Paulette
“Gay or European toes a line and I don’t know which side it’s on”- Buzzed A
Literal gay baiting. He knows what Louie Vittoun is. This show is BI ERASURE in bi lighting.
I too make fun of my coworkers nailing the pool boy.
Bro Warner got ROCKED.
Sexual miscounduct in the largest degree by Victor Garbor michae Rupert
Legally blonde (derogatory)
Lesbianism.
Go show em who’s legally blonde!!!
Pink suit. Feminism.
“This is giving me Emma Watson you can be a feminist and just not hate men” – Spectator
Irish dance is a skill I am not gifted enough to know.
Buzzed A is showing off their talents.
That was hyper sexual in a way I am uncomfortable with.
Not actual Linda Cardallelli.
Omigod auto corrects to ominous.
We apologize – the legal system to the rich white woman they ducked over.
The final feminism number to Grace broadway. Elle proposing to Emett.
Who helped my to prevaillllllll
Catch us doing this at commencement
Even better high as shit
Baked B
baked b hasn’t started writing. “i’m writing in my brain.” — buzzed b excUSE ME
how else do you kiss but with yr mouth
bro these costume changes are CRAZY
besties trying that vocal slide but it’s not rlly working for me
this man (warner) is a dumb lil bitch
this song (the one to harvard professor about love) is actually very smart and well written
they really leaned into the corduroy jackets thing huh
bro these law ppl are so sexist
wow this musical is…dated
“whore”
wow this rapping is……..something
her parents are awesome and supportive and she has a very touching support system
Buzzed A
God I love this musical. I do in fact know every word.
The unnecessary quick change flexes…simply outstanding. Did that random Delta Nu girl need to slide down a pole just to completely change outfits midway through? No. But I love it.
Warner is a mansplainer, we all know it. Consensus is that he’s a hot WASP though, unfortunate
I really enjoy the idea of theater kids playing a frat bro. Good vibes — juxtaposition if you will.
When my cousin explained this musical to me they were very judgmental about two things: that the first song is called “Omigod” — spelled like that — and that she convinces the Harvard admissions board to let her in about love. Truthfully it’s possible that they were right all along. But I’ll pretend.
Buzzed B has questions about Enid but I believe that she is a positive lesbian role model. Will update as we go.
Emmett is the quintessential quiet cute nerd man that would never fall in love with me, what a tragedy.
Callahan is a homophobic sexist predator freak you heard it here first
We girls do have to stick together you’re so right.
Baked A is right, Annaleigh Ashford is absolutely putting all of the work for this role
Hm interesting how some of these jokes haven’t aged as well. Do I just ignore it? Yes, for now.
Imagine living with a man for ten years solely because he said he was from…Ireland? Like I appreciate sweeping countrysides as much as the next girl but it’s an odd country to fixate on. Also I love Paulette’s accent, it’s wacky and wonderful.
Yes, Baked A, this is how women bond: over terrible men and the inability to achieve our dreams.
Spectator and I agree that terrible men still have the capability to look hot in khakis and polos and it’s very upsetting.
Emmett does have some of the weirdest lines in the show but I’m still totally in love with him, what does that say about me and red flags? But Emmett and Elle have a handshake and I am such a sucker for those things.
I showed people pictures of me when I was in Legally Blonde and Buzzed B says I looked like Jojo Siwa. I am choosing to take it as a compliment.
“When Harry Met Sally” walked so that the fake organism part of “So Much Better” could run
Double Delta Nu Sister Swears are morals beyond what I could ever understand
I don’t care what people say I think Emmett looks hot in a nice suit but maybe his courderoy jacket was better…the last time I watched this was when I was 14 maybe I need to rethink my standards.
I love the unapologetic oversexualization of men. Kyle, I would love to have myself a super day.
I think I just went too hard on “Bend and Snap” but honestly who cares. Works every time! (No it doesn’t frankly, if I grabbed my boobs in public there would be concerns)
There is a lot of (valid) discourse over “Gay or European” as a song…Buzzed B things it’s bi-erasure and I’m inclined to agree. But as it turns out, you can be both gay and European. Excellent stuff.
People are talking over the Callahan-tries-to-hit-on-and-harrass-Elle scene and frankly good I hate this fuck Callahan I hate men
I’m literally crying, “Legally Blonde” is making me cry. “What about…love??” What does it take to get a man to declare his love for me in song? I’m waiting. I’m ready.
WOMEN SUPPORTING WOMEN I AM HERE FOR THIS
Spectator just did the Delta Nu symbol thing I’m so proud. This feels like a movement.
I just did 30 seconds of Irish step dancing, theater kid energy dies hard.
I love love. That’s all I can say.
She proposes to him and THAT’S FEMINISM
What a show, what a great time. Were there things I would change about it? Yes. But would I change things, emotionally? No. Maybe. I love this show.
Buzzed B
ANNALEIGH ASGFORDDDDDD
legally blonde the musical walked so mean girls the musical could run
there’s hate on reggie the campus corgi rn. literally so unacceptable
“this is gonna be unfeminist: i don’t think she’s hot enough to be elle.” — spectator 1
buzzed a and baked a are singing along
“she’s not UGLY, she’s just not, y’know—” — spectator 1
i fuckin love being surrounded by theater people
homoeroticismmmmm
“WHEN ARE THEY GONNA SCISSOR” — spectator 1, punctuated by claps
i went to the bathroom and now i have no idea what’s going on
“this is a POSITIVE lesbian stereotype, right?” — baked a
how to get away with murder stole its entire plot from this movie/musical
oh no i truly can’t deal with this “positive” song
this wine is hitting in a “i’m getting real tired” kinda way
the entire color scheme of this musical is bisexual
all broadway men look exactly the same :’( this could be kyle selig and i would never know
“hello…kitty” 🤮
i’m losing the plot a little lmao
why are there so many live dogs in this movie
why was “whip your way to bigger buns” in capitals
putting a number in a prison is such a choice
the stakes are DEATH PENALTY???
buzzed a is going SO HARD to this song it’s the best thing i’ve seen in so long
THIS is bi erasure
the whole conceit of the legally blonde song doesn’t make any sense to me
this whole time i’ve been thinking malibu was in florida
“I LOVE LOOOOOOVE” — buzzed a, *growled*
andy karl looks like he should be gay in this show
Bored
Am I the only one who didn’t know this was a thing you could watch? I think I’m going to take most of the time to just register that.
Yeah getting broken up with when you thought he was proposing would be traumatizing. I’m surprised Elle came back from that.
Her dad’s gold outfit is kind of scarring.
Forget the common app, just break into your top choice university and perform a musical number.
I wonder how many aspiring lawyers changed their life plans after watching the “blood in the water” scene.
On the other hand, why do I feel like this is where Billy Flynn learned everything he knows.
Is this what will happen if i ask a hairdresser to dye my hair blonde?
This is NOT a lifetime original movie, Elle, No, it’s not. I don’t know what this is.
The UPS guy was fine until i found out his name was Kyle.
Either I never finished watching this movie like I thought I did or they made a lot of changes.
UPS guy is back and he has a squirrel this time. Why?
Imagine having multiple different choruses of people whose ultimate goal at every moment was to hype you up and stop you from making bad decisions.
Did they never finish the court case? What happened to the whipped into shape woman?
Ok nevermind
emmett has hair gel now and he’s working for himSELF.