The writers of The Michigan Daily do it all. On top of being college students with full course loads, they roll up their sleeves to consume media and write. For the entertainment of our loyal readership, The Michigan Daily has revitalized and revamped “Baked, Buzzed, Bored.” For the sake of journalism, three or more writers sacrifice their health and 3+ hours of their life to watch a TV show or Film while either high (“baked”), drunk (“buzzed”) or sober (“bored”). This article was lightly edited to maintain the authenticity of the piece.
This week, three writers watched Leos Carax’s “Annette.”
The REEEEEEEDDDD MARION
I CANT BELIEVE HIS NAME IS HENRY MCHRNRY
FORESHADOWING HER DEATH
Henry and chorus girls
This shit slaps
Why did he become a comedian?
High pitched tittering
WE are the audience
Why? The best question
You missed his ASSSSSS
Give us a smile please
WE LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH
Greatest musical number ever
The dutch angles!!!
It’s green for envy
Show the ass again!!!
“This is making me want to be a virgin again”
The hat the shoebox news
“This part is actually good”
The tease means sex
“This is so A24”
The tunnel is a spiral cause he’s going crazy
This is my baby
Hear me out: Annette but it’s Raising Arizona
He tracking shot
I killed my wife
I ticked madly
This is how I killed my wife
How did nobody think he did it? No one thought to mention this act
Red for anger
The songs are all fuck yous to the audience
Henry is Carax
Our love’s in jeopardy
(Dramatic music plays)
HE JUST MURDERED HER
Oh right cause they blame the crash
She’s a mer-creature
I’m a good father
The monkey motif (ape god)
Look the title screen
He’s got a beard now
He was in love with her
Henry McHenry is Lavar Ball?
82 million views
It’s like the… I don’t remember what I was saying
You had no right at all
He’s gonna kill that guy
Simon Helberg went out with a big BANG
This is poggers
THE HYPER BOWL
Rams will win the hyper bowl
Baby Annette is a baby after all
Daddy kills people
Who will die for us? Like the Jesus thing earlier
It’s like The Producers
I hope it never ends
She’s a real girl
I can’t believe I agreed to this
Baked is calling for quiet. I can’t start quiet this is too much
Spectator (during a moment of rare silence): “I watched this movie alone in my parents’ bedroom”
Yes you may start idk why you keep asking
Confirmed that it’s actually The Dparjs
I can’t believe it’s the man from Bug Bang Theory
I can’t believe Adam Driver agreed to do this
The saxophone hit and a spectator said “OO!”; other spectator now thinks that this song is amazing. I have mixed feelings but that may be the wine.
Green bathroom + banana + cigarette = a vibe
I do love a good mirror shot
I can’t believe that this opened the Cannes film festival … but so did Shrek so who knows
Why are they cheering for this “comedy” show
Glad I’m drunk because I think this movie already feels like a fever dream, but maybe being buzzed will make it a fun fever dream
He’s just a worse Bo Burnham, a poor man’s Bo Burnham, Bo Burnham would never
“A-B-Y-S-S, you illiterates” … maybe that’s my new motto in life maybe it isn’t
I went to the bathroom and I missed Adam Driver’s ass. Bummer.
What kind of paparazzi are invested in the lives of a weird comedian and an opera singer
These songs aren’t even good
Spectator is right, every song is the same phrase repeated over and over again
“What is happening? Why are they singing?”
Baked: “This is art, dammit”
Adam Driver, Oscar-nominated actor, licking her feet?!?!?
Who knew that speak-singing could be so creepy
Love that one of the spectators is singing along to all of the songs
WHY DOES THE BABY LOOK LIKE THAT
Spectator: “This is bizarre” no shit
Not the puppet oh god
They’re being weird like of course a man named “Henry McHenry” would be super weird obviously Marion Cotillard and her blunt bob deserve better
The director has lost me with all of the weird superimposed images
“I killed my wife” what the hell is this movie
I have a question why is he taking off his shoes
Other spectator suggests that we should just watch “Inside” instead and I agree
Although Adam Driver has nice abs so maybe I’m fine with it, even if his singing voice is rough
Baked: “He’s cOnTrOvERsiAL”
WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK IM A SOPHOMORE
One of the spectators is on the floor but it’s because of a separate conversation certainly not this movie
“I’m not that drunk” (is it a quote from the movie or the people you’ll never know)
Why does the puppet baby have wrinkles
A spectator take: I already forgot it this is devastating
This is chaos
Bill Nye discourse
I’m so lost but like why is Simon Helberg hot with a beard
Spectator: “top 10 movie screams, easy”
Baked is too into this
Why is Annette flying… why is everyone accepting this without question
I will be frank I do no love Annette
Why does he sound like that when he sings I am creeped out frankly no matter how I feel about it Adam Driver
Spectator questioning if I’m writing yeah duh I
Again they are doubting if I’m writing and they are simply WRONGFGG
Another spectator doubts if I’m writing, these fools don’t understand
I’M NOT SLURRING MY WORDS SPECTATOR
Green is a metaphor, apparently
Baked turning up the volume for the hyper bowl is simply too much
Omg it’s the Michigan wolverines
Lady Gaga ripoffs these ones are
The hyperbowl scene is nonsense
“Daddy killed people” AND THEN IT FADES TO BLACK??????
He is a murderer you’re so right
Why does the clerk sound like that
This movie lost me a long time ago and I am in a conundrum because being drunk is one of the few ways to enjoy the movie but also being drunk makes it very difficult to enjoy the movie so maybe…is this an unwatchable movie?
The birthmark as a metaphor for his corruption…ok I guess
Oh she’s real now I guess
You know what I respect this kid, she’s killing it and really putting Adam Driver’s weird-ass character in his place
The doubters thought I would write nothing WELL JOKES ON YOU I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT EVERYTHING EVER
A lot of chaos maybe it’s the wine talking but would rather watch this
We’ve reached the end of the first clip that I saw before and I have no idea what to expect.
So there’s a comedian who walks around (correction: limps around for some reason) (i looked down to type that and now he’s burning things) and insults his audience and himself and what world is this.
I’ve been trying to figure out what to say about this but there’s nothing I can hold onto that has happened so far. It’s just — this might as well be the next event.
There’s also an opera singer (within the opera that this entire movie apparently is?) with an interesting hairline. She looks like she’s trapped in a maze but I may have missed something. She’s singing now.
okay the song he sings about ann bowing is kind of genuinely bad. Like I can’t decide to like that. Some of the movie I’m very ambivalent about so far.
He just got “shot” on stage.
Despite the ridiculousness and confusion I’m kind of bored by this scene. Move on, have the fake child I know you’re going to, stop singing the same thing to the audience.
Okay the bath robe is gone. Moving on.
So the first song was actually a song but now it’s just yelling the same line in a very loud and menacing way.
Really showing not telling with the “we love each other” song. Why does the singing still sound aggressive though?
(have since been made fun of for the show don’t tell comment, considering moving to the notes app)
WHY did the doll baby just turn its head? Now I can only imagine a puppeteer hiding somewhere in their bed operating the doll idk.
Did he just burn the baby? I missed something.
okay but the thing about “being bizarre and random for the sake of being bizarre and random” is that i still have no reason to keep watching this and I don’t care about anything that’s happening. If I were watching this alone I would skip to the hyperbowl scene and then stop watching. Why does this need to be this long?
“absolutely no desire left” yeah i have absolutely no desire left to watch this, did we not already see you do a whole comedy show?
He’s taking off his shoes which is one too many scenes that center on people’s feet.
Imagine looking at the scene you’re supposed to be in and seeing that you’re supposed to put your costar’s feet in your mouth.
A lot has happened and Annette is levitating now.
There was not an epilepsy warning before this and there needed to be.
Did he just carry a body out of the woods? As the sober writer I feel like I should be more aware of what is going on.
I did not want to know that henry mchenry has the same wedding ring as my dad.
I’m realizing that the three scenes I had already seen gave me just as much context and understanding of this movie than watching the whole thing. Except watching the clips is funny and watching the whole thing is making me depressed.
It’s the last scene!!!!
I feel like Adam Driver is a bit unwell.