Check out the rest of the April Fool’s B-Side here, here, here and here. Just kidding, don’t click that last one.
“I mean, what can I say? It’s all in the name — everything we want to communicate to our audience, to you, we put into the name,” guitarist Eric Goldman said while drinking his triple shot of espresso, grimacing with every sip.
The name in question is “Pussy Beacon,” and it refers to the Ann Arbor-based indie boy band taking the University of Michigan by storm. After meeting and becoming fast friends in a residential dorm freshman year, the five LSA juniors and comp lit majors of Pussy Beacon realized they had more in common than location.
“It’s actually a really, really, really funny story,” drummer Pat Alcheri said. “We were all living in West Quad, and we realized that we all played instruments.”
Lead vocalist Tom Arizona, formerly Tom Stein before a legal name change, cut him off. He said, “And then we realized that we all have the same ‘why’ for our music. We all started playing because chicks love musicians.”
“They also love being called chicks,” Goldman said, smirking, spinning his fedora around in his hands.
At first, the members of Pussy Beacon had been reluctant to share that they were musicians first and foremost to get girls.
“Eventually, we just decided to come out with it,” Goldman said. “Not come out in, like, a gay way — not that there’s anything wrong with that. At all! I have a friend who’s gay. We’re just super into girls. And we wanted everyone to know.” Thus, “Pussy Beacon” was born.
When asked if they thought the backlash their band name sometimes received was warranted, all five boys snorted in unison.
“We’re trying to be the most true to ourselves as we possibly can. The name reflects that. We’re not going to sell out to a major record company or anything like that,” harmonicist Mac Reynolds said, met with a chorus of “Fuck that!” by the other boys. “We just want to be indie-rock. Actually, we want TO indie rock! Can you put that in the article? I just thought of that right now. That was dope.”
The influences of Pussy Beacon span both genre and time period. Citing artists like Eminem and Jack Johnson, they made it clear that they weren’t just listening to artists of this generation — Dave Matthews Band of the ’90s also played a huge part in their artistic growth.
“I would describe us as a mix between Jason Mraz and blink-182, because I think we can get sort of punk-ish sometimes,” pianist Nick Blad said. “But we’re still chill and indie.”
The band takes pride in the fact that besides Blad’s experience learning recorder in third grade, they are entirely self-taught.
“I actually learned how to play guitar from YouTube videos. I’m sort of crazy that way,” Goldman said, flicking his hair to the side. “I can just pick things up after doing them every day for two or three years. My friends call me Rain Man. I just get things without even trying, you know?”
Despite the lack of diversity in their group, Pussy Beacon sees the dearth of respect for people of color and women in the music industry as a huge problem.
“It sucks, man,” Reynolds said. “I just feel like there aren’t enough chicks making cool music, and that’s really hurting them. I’d love to help them out, if you know any girls who want to play. Harmonica isn’t as hard as people say it is, if you can believe it. I’ll give you my number and you can pass it on to any of your female friends.”
“But sometimes I just feel like girls aren’t as good at, like, real rock music, you know?” Goldman said. “Or, like, indie music.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” he hastened to add. “Girls are great! But guys and girls are just good at different things. Like Adele or Taylor Swift with those love songs and pop music? Not my vibe — there’s just not a whole lot of substance there — but, like, good for them.”
“And besides, we write a lot of songs about girls,” Blad said. “Wanna hear some of our favorite lyrics?”
Despite not receiving an affirmative answer, he began what the reporters at The Michigan Daily assumed to be a rap: “I know you slept with my friend / But I still think you’re a 10 / You’re so hot, Naomi / and I just wish you would blow me.”
Though the theme of girls has dominated the band’s playlist on SoundCloud, it has also factored into challenges for the group.
“There was a time when Arizona wanted to fuck Pat’s hot Italian mom,” Goldman said. “So, yeah, there was some tension there.”
Luckily, the band has channeled their tensions into producing some of their proudest lyrical inventions.
“Arizona and I managed to work through the situation when he wrote a song about it,” Acheri said. “It goes, ‘You’re so much older, got so much on your shoulders / Your breasts are starting to sag / with the weight of your experience / I hate to brag / but I want to see them, I’m curious.’ After Arizona played that for me for the first time, I totally realized how he felt. I mean, all of us have had that relatable experience of wanting to see a pair, you know?”
In terms of improving racial diversity in indie music, the boys were a little stumped.
“I mean, Pat’s Italian,” Blad said. “I don’t really know how much better you expect us to do.”
“Second-generation, but still. People always ask me if I like pizza,” Acheri said. “So annoying. I guess, in that way, there is a real prejudice problem in the music industry.”
Pussy Beacon hopes to sign with a small record label in Brooklyn after graduation next year. Because of their experience playing in different venues, they see this plan as entirely feasible.
“We’ve actually played at co-op parties, fraternity parties and mixers,” Arizona said. “Mixers are when a fraternity and sorority socialize in a place that isn’t the house. It’s a totally different vibe. So yeah, I’d say we’re pretty well-equipped to handle whatever comes our way.”
Despite being in a public place and being repeatedly asked not to, Pussy Beacon ended the interview with a song.
“We’re going to play this song because it really speaks to who we are as a band and a collective group of awesome dudes,” Goldman said before sensually raising a disconnected microphone to his mouth. “It’s a cover, but I don’t think you’ll ever have heard of it. It’s a song about trust, and really getting someone, like on a fundamental level, you know? Hope you enjoy. It’s called ‘Wonderwall.’ ”
Editor’s Note: This is part of an April Fools parody B-Side issue. All events and individuals depicted are fictional (to the best of our knowledge). Pussy Beacon isn’t trademarked yet — jump on that fast.