From the Daily: '12-'13 Edgar Awards

By The Michigan Daily  On  April 22nd, 2013

Back when J. Edgar Hoover, that infallible defender of our constitutional rights, was playing dictator and spying on Americans as head of the FBI, The Michigan Daily's editorial page handed out the Edgar Awards annually to individuals and institutions best embodying his many admirable characteristics. Of necessity, we revived the tradition in recent years.

And so, without further ado and to no applause, we present the 10th Annual Edgar Awards.

The I’m Shmacked Award goes to University President Mary Sue Coleman, who announced on Thursday her plans to retire in Ann Arbor. We’ll see you at Skeeps — if they don't reject your fake.

The Most Likely to Understand the Theme Semester Award goes to the University’s chapter Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity’s All-American, teabagging-the-flag party invitations, which captured national attention and resulted in the fraternity’s temporary suspension. Hey, at least they weren’t racist.

The Nate Silver Award for Most Predictable Plot Twist goes to sophomore guard Trey Burke, who recently announced his decision to leave the University men’s basketball team for the NBA. Not sure what was louder: the campus’s collective sigh or ESPN’s communal “duh.”

The Adolescent Erection Award goes to the Big 10 — erm, 12 — uh, 14 — for always getting bigger when you don’t want it to. Be wary of sweatpants, Terrapins.

The Spring Breakers Award goes to the Board of Regents, for ditching their boots for bikinis as they jetted off for California in January, forgoing one of their public meetings for “sprang breaaaaaak ... ” come early. Rumor has it that Regent Laurence Deitch’s rendition of Britney Spears’s “Everytime” was absolutely haunting.

The Denard’s Pitch at the Tiger's Game Award goes to the Central Student Government’s presidential election. Influencing students to vote? Central Student Judiciary hearings? Way to drop the ball, y’all.

The First Annual Kondescending Kerrytowner Award goes to irate Michigan State fans after reports of couch burning in Ann Arbor surfaced. Yeah, we know — you’ve been torching sofas way before we ever did and took all the cool out of it.

The Justin “Stroke My Ego” Bieber Award goes to none other than the Daily’s editorial board for sincerely ‘beliebing’ campus still gives a hoot about Page Four. But seriously, did you know Anne Frank was a huge fan of the Daily?

Printed from www.michigandaily.com on Tue, 28 May 2013 04:50:41 -0400