BY THE MICHIGAN DAILY
Published April 17, 2011
Back when J. Edgar Hoover, that infallible defender of our constitutional rights, was playing dictator and spying on Americans as head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Daily's editorial page handed out the Edgar Awards annually to individuals and institutions best embodying his many admirable characteristics. Of necessity, we revived the tradition in recent years.
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And so we present the eighth annual Edgar Awards:
The Newt Gingrich Edgar for worst budgetary mess goes to Republican Gov. Scott Walker. Instead of working to unite his state, Walker took away collective bargaining rights from all union workers — an action that resulted in weeks of protests and Democratic state representatives fleeing the state.
The Michelle Obama Edgar for best fashion sense goes to Muammar Gaddafi. Though he refuses to give up his role as Libyan dictator, at least we get to marvel at his designer sunglasses and colorful outfits.
The Muammar Gaddafi Edgar for craziest person goes to Charlie Sheen. As violence in Libya was escalating, Gaddafi said in reference to his people — who were rioting against him in the streets — “they love me.” In an equal bout of craziness, Charlie Sheen taught us all what it means to be “winning” and complained of being forced to deal with “fools and trolls.”
The Andrew Shirvell Edgar for obsession with Michigan Student Assembly President Chris Armstrong goes to The Michigan Daily. To date, the Daily has published 106 articles with Armstrong’s name in them — just saying.
The John Boehner Edgar for crying goes to former Michigan head football coach Rich Rodriguez. His moving rendition of “You Raise Me Up” brought many to tears — some tears of sentiment and some tears of hysteria.
The Jersey Shore Edgar for best fake tan goes to House Speaker John Boehner. Boehner’s Oompa Loompa-esque skin makes Snookie’s look like a natural glow.
The Rich Rod Edgar for biggest let down goes to Republican Gov. Rick Snyder. While following President Barack Obama as the University's commencement speaker was going to be a tough task for anyone, students were understandably unenthused that Rick let’s-cut-education-funding Snyder was chosen to address the class of 2011.
The giddy school girl Edgar goes to the University student body for freaking out each time someone allegedly spotted George Clooney on campus.
The Chevy Volt Edgar for going green goes to Rebecca Black. Her emphasis on carpooling in her song “Friday” is exactly the progressive attitude toward climate change this country needs.
The Arianna Huffington Edgar for selling out goes to State Street. The addition of CVS Pharmacy, 7-Eleven, and Five Guys has stripped State Street of its once eclectic, locally-owned flair.
The Lady Gaga Edgar for “Born This Way” inclusion goes to the open housing initiative.
The Denard Robinson Edgar for being the only thing worth watching in the Big House goes to The Big Chill.
The “omg” this thing tweets more than Charlie Sheen Edgar goes to the Egyptian protesters. Former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak thought he had to worry about people reading "Animal Farm," but apparently he didn’t know the power of social networking sites.
The Karlos Marks Edgar for damaging a governing body goes to the Tea Party. They almost forced a government shutdown, but thank goodness there are still a few people on Capitol Hill who actually want to negotiate and govern.
